


Chasing After You

by rangerofdiscord



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Eventual Romance, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mentions of Rape, Past Abuse, based off of the mini fic in the rvb fanguide, blood tw, drugs tw, mention of overdose, mention of suicide, mentions of abuse, mentions of self harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-18
Updated: 2016-03-02
Packaged: 2018-05-02 05:44:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5236493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rangerofdiscord/pseuds/rangerofdiscord
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based off of the mini-fic in the RvB fanguide, the story of how Leonard Church and Allison met and eventually fell in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ElZacharie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElZacharie/gifts).



“Allison.” Some girl's voice cut through the normal chatter of the bunk, breaking Allison McCoy's concentration. The blonde woman took her time in responding, making sure to mark her spot in the old book before she set it aside slowly and looked up at the girl talking to her, Private Kat. She was cute, short, military-grade hair brown and wide, brown eyes the color of chocolate. Freckles spattered her tan skin, and although she had been drafted into the military, she was one of the best new recruits. Almost as good as Allison. 

“Yeah?” Despite having been born and raised in the heart of Texas, her voice was only had a slight accent. Sometimes certain words would have that twang, and if she got angry then it really shined. 

Kat almost smirked at her as she jerked her thumb back to the large, open window at the end of the quarters for the female privates. “He's back again.” Allison groaned, running a hand through her curly blonde hair. One of the other girls perked up at that, staring at the two women in shock. 

“Who's back?” 

“Some loser private has a crush on our Ally.” Kat's hands were on her hips and Allison was seriously tempted to smack her with the book. It wasn't the fact that they had called Leonard a loser, but more that they continued with the use of the stupid fucking nickname. That was what her mother had called her, and just hearing it made the cigarette burn scars on her thighs ache. 

“Which loser?” 

“The one Delaney beat up a while back.” 

“Oh Jesus.” The other girl snorted, leaning back on the bed. “He's got no chance with Ally.” 

“I told you to stop fuckin' callin' me that.” Now Allison finally interjected, glaring at the two girls. That shut them up, both knew not to fuck with her when she was pissed. 

Getting up, she pulled her hair up into a ponytail, rarely did she leave the bunks with her hair being down. It was so much easier to manage when it was up, and looked better in her opinion. “Where is he, Kat?” 

“Same place as usual, Allison.” Biting her lip, she jerked her head back to the large tree that sat outside of the bunks, just outside of the reach of the light pouring out from the window. Underneath it, Allison could just barely make out the silhouette of Leonard Church. Sighing, she glanced at her two friends. 

“If I'm not back in fifteen, I kicked his ass so hard they decided to punish me. Or I killed him.” Both of them nodded as she sauntered out, ponytail switching behind her. 

This had to stop. It wasn't that she didn't like him, but it was for his own good. He was nice, and sweet and didn't deserve to get his heart broken when Allison decided to do what she did all the time. Sleep with them for a few weeks, let them buy her whatever they wanted to, then take their money and leave. Most men she slept with deserved that treatment, they were all assholes. And while Leonard could be cold and manipulative, he was genuinely nice to her. 

As she got closer to the tree, the man leaning on the tree became more distinguishable. He was leaning on the tree, still half-dressed in his cobalt armor. In his hand was a simple red rose, and it looked like he hadn't noticed her yet. “You could get in trouble if they think you're being a peeping tom.” Allison called out, making him jump before he noticed it was her. 

“I was out here waitin' for you.” Unlike Allison, with her lack of a southern accent, Leonard's was very noticeable. His was almost stereotypical, it was a deep southern drawl. Honestly, she loved it. Wanted to hear how it would sound when he was moaning her name, when he was begging for her to just fuck him already. 

“Gross. I'm guessing that rose is for me, as well?” She pointed at it, smirking and his cheeks turned a bit pink as he looked down at it. 

“It's February Fourteenth.” He stated, as if that was a valid reason, holding it out for her. She didn't take it. 

“Nice to know you know what day it is.” His face fell slightly as she said that, his thin lips turning into a frown. 

“Valentine's Day.” Realization dawned on her as he said, and she mentally kicked herself. To be fair, she had never celebrated the holiday. Never had a reason to. 

Hesitantly, and knowing she'd regret it one day, Allison reached out to take the damn rose. “Is this it?” 

“Normally we'd kiss.” Leonard smirked at her, and she rolled her eyes. His bright green eyes were lit up with hopefulness, and she knew she had fucked herself over royally in the “trying to get Leonard Church to stop having a crush on her” department. 

“Isn't kissing for like, the second date?” 

“So this is a date?” He gave her such a smug look, and she shot him a glare. 

“Nah. You didn't formally ask me out. Just gave me a shitty fucking rose.” Said rose was twirling around in her nimble fingers, and he pouted at her.

“C'mon, Allison. What is it about me you don't like? Am I too nerdy? Too.. Weak?” His voice dropped a bit at that and suddenly the fact that he was still in armor made sense. He had been training before he came here. Training for her. 

When Leonard had first started showing an interest in her, Allison had simply laughed him off. Told him she didn't scrawny geeks who couldn't shoot from a rifle. Now it seemed like he was trying to do something to fix that. Unlike most men, who would try to sweet talk her into giving in, or just give up, he was working to be better for her. To be what she wanted him to be.

Sighing, Allison crossed her arms and glanced down at the rose. “It's not that, Leonard.” 

“Then what is it?” 

“You're..” Trailing off, she looked back up at him as a question sprung to her mind. “What is it about me that you like? What makes you so damn obsessed with me?” 

That question clearly took him aback, and he stammered as he answered. “You're – well – you're you.” Scratching the back of his head, he looked up at her awkwardly. “You're incredibly gorgeous, and you.. You don't put up with anybody's shit, and you're strong and badass and..” 

“And you know nothing about me except that my name is Allison McCoy and I'm kickass.” She said, frowning. It was typical, most men claimed that they loved her without truly knowing her. 

“I'd like to get to know you.” Leonard said right as she turned around to head back, and she glanced back at him. “If you'd let me, that is.” 

“Why?” Her brows furrowed together. “There are plenty of other prettier, nicer girls for you to run around with.” 

“None of them hold a candle to you, Allison.” Now she turned back to him fully, still frowning at him. He stood there, looking at her nervously in the half-light. His dark hair was mussed up from training, bruises and scratches dotting his pale skin. In the near-darkness she could see he was shaking from nerves, hands trembling and it made her feel genuinely bad for him.  
Without thinking about what she was doing, she turned and stepped up to him. Eyes a soft yet piercing green widened in surprise, and as he opened his mouth to ask her what she was doing she cupped his chin and gave him a quick kiss. 

While it certainly wasn't the best kiss she had ever had, it wasn't by any means the worst. His lips weren't soft and warm like most she was used to, but rather chapped and cool. And it was quickly clear that he either had never been kissed, or hadn't been kissed in a long time given the awkward way he kissed her back. 

When it was over, Allison smirked and wiped her lips before stepping back. “I thought kisses happened on the second date?” Leonard asked, his voice sounding breathy and she laughed. 

“Think of it as my Valentine's day gift to you, Leonerd.” 

“Leonerd?” His face scrunched up at the nickname and she just grinned more. 

“What? Don't like my nickname for you?” She teased, and he glanced up at her. 

“No – I – It's just that...” He flushed, stuttering and running a hand over his face as he calmed himself down. “I don't have one for you.” 

She paused, tilting her head up to think about it, before she smirked at him and said, “You can call me Ally.”


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's nothing Allison hates more than dating, and nothing Leonard wants more than to date Allison.

“I can't believe it, our Ally is going out with fucking loser Leonard!” Taylor squealed straight in Allison's ear as the blonde woman finally sat down on her bunk, pulling her shoes off. All the new privates in Basic got an hour to relax before lights out, to do laundry, write letters, take care of their armor and socialize. And it seemed as if the girls that she had acquainted herself with in the first few weeks were determined to interrogate her about what had happened the night before. 

“It's not like that.” She sighed, working on unclasping her black armor and setting it on the bed. “I accepted a rose because I felt bad for him.” 

“And kissed him.” Kat interjected, sneering. “Was he a good kisser?” 

That made Allison pause, her lips pursing as she thought about how to answer in a way that wouldn't lead to Leonard getting more laughs behind his back. “He definitely wasn't the worst kisser I've ever kissed.” She was being entirely truthful there. Her first kiss had been when she was fourteen, young and much more reckless and stupid. His lips had tasted like tobacco and marijuana, and he had shoved his tongue down her throat. Which had earned him a swift kick to the groin. 

“Yeah, I bet.” Kat snorted, turning to take her shirt off and trade it for a cleaner one. “So spill, will you two start dating?” 

“I don't date.” The annoyed look went back onto Allison's face as she finished taking her armor off and started to change as well. 

“Why not?” Taylor turned to her, her face one of confusion and Allison simply shrugged. There was no answer she could honestly give them, not without destroying her outer persona. No one would fear her, would respect her if they found out that tough-as-nails Allison McCoy secretly hated herself. 

“No one is good enough for me.” She lied, hoping that that would be believable enough for them. The two girls glanced at each other and shrugged before going back to what they were doing. 

With a huff, Kat sat next to her friend and leaned on her. “You realize he seriously likes you, right?” 

“Yeah, it's fuckin' gross.” She pushed the girl off, rolling her eyes. “Can we please stop talking about this?” It wasn't just that she hated anything about romance, she hated the fact that he liked her. Sure, she had kissed him and taken his rose, but that was more out of pity than anything else. Right? 

Besides, once he got to know her, the real her, he'd end up hating her. Just like every other damn person in the galaxy. They all acted like she was some superhuman Goddess, the idea of perfection, but once they got to see the true her they all ran away. No one wanted to pick up her broken pieces, all they wanted was to smash on the shattered fragments some more. 

“Sheesh, relax. Why are you so anti-romance? Isn't it nice to be doted on? To have people do literally anything for you?” 

“No. It's pathetic. I can do shit by myself.” Getting up, she began to peel away her own sweaty clothes, ponytail swishing as she shoved them into her laundry bag. The other girls shot her dirty looks, Taylor grabbed her things and went to the laundry room as Kat watched Allison, who staunchly ignored her. She focused instead on wiping the sweat and dirt away from her body before throwing on semi-clean clothes. 

Finally, knowing Kat would continue to stare at her until she explained herself, she sighed and tightened the already too-tight ponytail. “Guys think that as long as they dote on you and do things for you and buy you shit that they can control you. It's always been that way. Never changes. He's no different.” 

“He likes you.” 

“He likes the idea of me. I beat up a guy for him once and suddenly he's in love with me. He knows nothing about me except that my name is Allison McCoy and I'm the strongest fighter in our unit.” Pulling the laundry bag up, she turned to glare at Kat. “He thinks I'm pretty and I had a brief moment of weakness where I let him think he had a chance with me 'cause I haven't had physical contact since coming to this shit hole. That's not love and that's not romance.” 

“Y'know if you keep pushing everyone away, you're just going to end up lonely and bitter.” Kat said, frowning at her friend. Allison just grinned at that, the largest, brightest grin she'd given anyone since enlisting. 

“Oh baby, I've been lonely and bitter my whole life, and I'll continue to be lonely and bitter till the day I die.” 

 

The laundry room was as busy as it ever was, filled to the brim with all sorts of different recruits working on trying to get clean clothes for the week to come. Some heads turned when Allison walked in the door, during her seven weeks at the base she had made herself known to all as someone not be fucked with. The “incident” with Delaney had only furthered that point.

With a sigh, she set her bag down and glanced around, looking for an empty washer when a familiar voice piped up, drawing her attention to the man behind her who was leaning on one of the machines and grinning at her. 

“This washer is open, Allison.” He drawled, and she sighed. Of-fuckin'-course the only god damn washer in the whole fuckin' facility would be right next to Leonard-fucking-Church. With a very exaggerated grimace, she leaned down, picking up her bag and going to the open washer. He just continued to look at her as if she was the greatest thing in the world, which pissed her off more. 

It was bad enough that during the trust exercises Katy had hit the scars on her back, one of her most sensitive areas. It was bad enough that everyone else stared at her and wondered when she would go out with Leonard, or open her legs for some other man. It was bad enough that literally every person on base bugged her about him. But having to stand next to him and do her fucking laundry by him, knowing every single person would take it as some sign that they really were dating.

Her muscles tensed up, and she worked hard to control the rage burning in her core. Her CO had talked to her about this, the woman was surprisingly kind when not shouting orders or calling everyone maggots. When Allison had explained that she had anger issues, Holly had understood. The two spent quite a lot of time talking, Holly helping Allison learn to control her anger and rage. 

Allison now did her best to do some of the tips and tricks, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes. She could feel the anger settle down a bit, and knew all eyes were on her so she opened her own, quietly going about trying to get her clothes clean. 

“Thanks, Leonard.” She said quietly, if not a bit cold. 

“Don't mention it, Ally.” She could practically feel the smugness radiating off of him at that. Groaning, she leaned forward. She had almost forgotten that she had told him it was okay for him to call her that. 

“How much would I have to pay you to get you to never call me that again?” 

“I think a kiss would suffice.” 

“Gross.” Grumbling, she started the washer, turning to cross her arms and glare straight ahead. 

Leonard moved closer to her, smiling. “You didn't think it was all tha' gross when we kissed the night before.” 

“I was tired and lonely and felt bad for you. I apologize for deciding to take pity on your and grace your lips with my own. I'll make sure to never do it again, because apparently it turned you into a cocky asshole. Oh wait.” Her face lit up, and she finally turned to grin at him. “You were like that before I kissed you, from what I've heard.” 

She expected his face to fall, but it didn't. He merely grinned back at her, raising an eyebrow. “And apparently you've always been a rotten bitch with a bad temper. Perhaps we were made for each other.” 

That made her gag a bit, and her face scrunched up on instinct. “That's fuckin' disgusting. Don't talk like that.” 

Laughing, Leonard leaned on his own washer. “Alright, fine. How about this. You hate romance, but I want to get to know you more. So, if you tell me more about yourself, I'll stop being romantic with you.”

Pursing her lips, Allison thought about it for a while. There were pros and cons to that. The pros were that she could use him to her advantage, as far as she knew he was three weeks behind her in training. And she only had three more to go. She could use him for those three weeks, sneaking away to get the physical attention she was starting to so-desperately crave and when she graduated she would promise that she'd write, promise that they'd meet up again soon and then never have to see him again.

The cons were that he might start to want to get personal. Might want to know about her family, her past. In a moment of weakness she might spill all of her insecurities, and then not only would he see her for what she was, a fraud, he'd tell everyone else and next thing she knew she'd go from the most feared woman on base to the most laughed at.

“Fine. Since we have time, what do you want to know?” The cons definitely outweighed the pros, but she'd be careful. Only tell him certain things, and would never let herself get to the point where she felt the need to open up to him. 

“Where were you born?” 

“Dallas, Texas.” 

“How old are you?” 

“Twenty.” 

“Graduated High School?” 

“Ha. No-pe.” Popping the P, she smirked at him, crossing her arms. “Got my GED though. What about you?” 

“What about me?” A few people walked by, and he glanced up at them. 

“Where are you from? How old are you? Did you graduate?” 

He frowned, running a hand through his choppy black hair and looked back over at her. “Nawlins. Eighteen. Yes. I had scholarships to several nice colleges before I was drafted.” 

Jesus, for some reason that made her feel old. “Christ, you're fucking young.” She said, smirking at the way his face twisted up at that. 

“You're only two years older than me.” 

“Older, smarter, wiser and better looking.” She sighed, stretching her arms and feeling the muscles scream in pleasure at the sensation. “What colleges did you get accepted to?”

“Carnegie. MIT. Stanford.” He perked up, looking proud of himself and glancing at her as if the information was supposed to impress her. 

It did. But she'd never let him know. All the men she had been with were like her. Run aways. Degenerates. Nobodies with no future, no real talent besides drinking, smoking, fucking and fighting. Leonard was the only guy she'd ever been with who actually had a future. And honestly, it kinda turned her on knowing how smart he was. 

“So the name Leonerd really does fit, hm?” She asked, a teasing grin on her face and he groaned, rolling his eyes. 

“Does the name Ally really fit?” He shot back, and her lips turned into a small pout.

“Fuck off. Anyways, before this goes any further you and I need to get a few things straight.”

“You're not?” He asked, and she frowned, face twisting up in confusion. 

“Wait – what?” 

Laughing, he shook his head. “Nothin', it's nothin'.” He continued to smile at her, face wide and bright. Giving him an exasperated look, she stepped forward and poked his chest.

“You and I aren't in a relationship.” She said, but his face didn't fall at all, which was unexpected. Yet, she muscled through it. “What we're doing is purely physical. You want to get to know me? Whatever. That doesn't mean we're together. And if you hear anyone saying we are, you correct them. If you don't, well..” Standing back, her hands were on hips. “Let's say I'll kick you so hard in the nuts you won't be able to have kids. And if, by some miracle, you manage to produce smartass nerds? They'll feel it too.” 

The entire time she went off on her mini-rant, Leonard continued to stand there, watching her. When she got to the part about the nut-kicking, he smirked. “Not in a relationship. Got it. Not that we really can be, in Basic.” He sounded so smug, and she wanted to smack him. 

“Yeah, well don't expect to get with me after Basic ends. I'm shipping out before you, remember?” She returned his smirk, moving to lean on the washer again. 

Now it was his turn to look confused. And maybe slightly annoyed. At least, that's what Allison thought the furrowed brows meant. “What do you mean, you're shipping out before me? What week are you in?” 

“Seventh.” She hummed, now it was her turn to sound smug. 

“Fuck.” He hissed, turning and now he really looked annoyed. “I thought we would have more time.” 

“Ooh. Poor Leonard. Can't convince wild girl Allison to fall in love with him in three weeks?” She pushed her lower lip out in a pout, trying not to snicker at him and he flipped her off. 

“No – I just – It's not that. I can't explain it.” Sighing, he leaned on the washer. Were she any other girl, she might have felt bad for him. But she didn't, because she wasn't some other girl. 

Three weeks was a perfect time, she could get the physical attention she needed before shipping off and the risk of her spilling something was low. Plus, he'd get to tell everyone he banged fucking Allison McCoy and maybe assholes like Delaney would lay off on him. Not like she cared. 

They spent the next few minutes talking more about themselves, although it was mainly Leonard talking about nerdy shit like AI's and computer science. Once or twice he asked Allison something, mostly about things she liked. Every time she gave him simple answers. Eventually, his washer was finished and he pulled his things out. As he turned to leave, she reached out and grabbed his wrist, twisting him back to him. 

He nearly dropped his clothes, but turned back to her. “What is it, Allison?” 

“After lights out. The guards change every fifteen minutes. Take advantage of that. Meet me in the closet behind the education center.” She whispered quickly, leaning in to make sure he heard it all. When she pulled away, his green eyes were wide and he blinked. 

“The closet? Us? Tonight?” He looked so surprised, and she rolled her eyes. 

“It's clean and no guards go down that hall. It's also spacious. And yes, tonight. Try to get it up.” 

“But... We have no protection.” He insisted, and she groaned. 

“Just fucking be there, alright?” 

He nodded, shifting the clothes in his arms. “Alright. Good-bye Allison, have a nice night.” Dipping his head, he turned to leave again, wrenching his arm out of her hand and she just glared at him. 

“Don't say that.” 

“Wha?” Now he sounded confused, glancing back at her. “Don't tell you to have a nice night? I'm sorry, is that too romantic for your poor taste?” He sneered, and she nearly smacked it off of his face. Instead, she smacked his arm, hard. The red mark would definitely stay there for a while. 

“Goodbye, asshole. I hate goodbyes. It's not like you won't see me again, so don't say it.” She snapped, and he stared at her as if she had something on her face. After a moment, and perhaps realizing people were staring at them, he just nodded. 

“Right. See you around, Ally.” Without further ado, he went to dry his clothes and it was only when he walked away that she realized how tense she had become. All of her muscles relaxed as she turned to go back to her washer, and as she touched the cool metal she realized that her arms were trembling. For some reason unknown reason, the thought of him saying goodbye to her filled her with a dread she had never felt, and one she couldn't place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. Do you ever start writing something and think "There's no way I can make a whole chapter out of this" and then next thing you know it's over 2.7k words? Yeah. Anyways, thank you to Max for continuing to motivate me throughout this chapter and also for letting me bounce ideas off of him (As well as adding in a bunch of his own!)


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The date of Allison's graduation grows closer, and she's curious to find out where she's off to next. But the answer isn't quite what she wants.

Allison could just see the old oak tree outside of Holly's office, it's leaves swaying in the wind. The leaves were just starting to turn brown and orange, but by the time they'd turn she'd be gone. Hopefully on another planet, fighting for the UNSC. Hell, there was no reason not to send her off-planet, out of all the other recruits she was the most skilled fighter and the quickest to improve. She could shoot rifles with ease, and just as easily break bones with just her bare hands. 

In fact, she was hoping that she'd be meeting with Holly that day to discuss where she'd be located in two weeks. Her eighth week had just started, her seventh ending with a congratulatory bang from Leonard. They had taken to meeting every night in the closet by the education room, and she had learned what it was like to have sex with someone who actually gave a fuck about pleasing the other person. 

And although they had to be quiet, she had finally learned what he sounded like when he was moaning and calling her name out. Pinning him to the floor and fucking him filled her with a sense of control and power that she loved, and one that up until then she had only found through fighting. Plus, he didn't seem to mind her taking control every night. Hell, he even seemed to enjoy it. It was nice. 

A metal door slid open, marking the entrance of Captain Holly and immediately Allison was to her feet, hand at her forehead in a salute. “Captain.” She said, all thoughts of Leonard immediately forgotten. 

The older woman looked tired, bags under her eyes and her long red hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail. She frowned as she glanced at Allison, waving her off. Allison continued to stand at attention until Holly sat down, and only then did she relax enough to sit down as well. 

“You wanted to see me?” She asked as Holly looked through a few files on her data pad, nodding. 

“How have you been feeling?” The question caught Allison off guard, and she shrugged. 

“Same as ever. Why do you ask?” 

“Simply curious. I've been hearing interesting reports of certain... Sounds coming from a closet in hall 21B.” Holly glanced up at Allison, smirking a bit and the younger woman puffed her chest up, raising an eyebrow. 

“Wonder what that could be.” Was all she said, and Holly laughed. 

“Does the sex ease your stress?” 

“Stress? What stress? Why the hell would I be stressed?” 

Rolling her brown eyes, the other woman shook her head. “Is it making you feel better?” 

“It's sex.” Allison stated, knowing where this was going but not giving Holly an easy out. “Isn't it supposed to make you feel better?” 

There was a loud sigh, and Holly pinched the bridge of her nose. “You know what the fuck I'm talking about, private. Just fucking tell me what I want to hear.” 

Allison sighed as well, curling up a bit in the metal chair and glancing over at her Captain. “Yes. It makes me feel better. It gives me the same feeling I get when fighting. Control. Power. It eases up my anxiety and doesn't make me want to hurl myself off a bridge every night.” 

“Good. Then I'll continue to pretend you aren't banging Private Leonard Church every night.” 

“And I'll continue to pretend as well.” Looking away, she glanced at the wall. There was the American flag, the UNSC flag and pictures of what she assumed were Holly's friends or family members on the wall. It was much different than the other CO's offices, warmer, more friendly. Allison didn't even want to imagine what the other CO's would think of her sitting the way she was, they'd probably yell and scream at her till she finally gave in. But Holly didn't seem to care, she just pulled up her data pad again. 

“You're probably wondering where you're going to be deployed to, aren't you?” She asked, getting Allison's attention again. The blonde turned her head, a feeling of excitement and curiosity pulsing through her body. 

“Do you know?” 

“I do indeed.” The pad was set down on the metal table, and Holly frowned as she leaned forward on the desk. Suddenly the excitement was gone, replaced with a feeling of dread. “You're going to the newer outpost, in Austin Texas, where you'll be working on the up keep of all their vehicles. Pelicans, warthogs..” She sighed, shaking her head. “That sort of thing.”

The dread in Allison's body turned cold as ice. She wasn't being deployed. She wouldn't be going into any training to specialize in anything, or going out to fight in the war. She'd be stuck at home. 

Her, the best fighter and shooter on the base would be sent to a smaller, newer base to help with the upkeep of the vehicles. Which wasn't a job she wouldn't mind too much, she loved working on vehicles, but it felt like a complete and utter slap to the face. 

Not to mention Austin wasn't that far from where her parents lived. If they found out that she was nearby, they would most likely try and get in contact with her. Which was something she did not want. 

“You've got to be fucking kidding me.” She said, standing up abruptly and pacing around the room. Her muscles were tense, and she was drumming her fingers along her thighs. “Fucking Texas? I'm not being deployed? Why the fuck not?” 

“I don't know, I'm sorry.” Holly sounded tired, and annoyed. “I recommended that you graduate and move on to specialization training before being deployed, but someone higher up forced my hand and made me move you to there. I had no choice or say in the matter.” 

“Someone higher up? Who?” Allison turned back to her CO, crossing her arms. Maybe if she found who this higher up person was she could convince them to change their mind. 

“I have no idea. All I know is my recommendation was denied and next thing I knew they said they were sending you to Austin. I had no say in the matter.” 

“I believe you.” Holly knew that Allison wanted to fight, and that she deserved to fight. This wasn't her fault. But if Allison ever met the sick son of a bitch who did this.. “So what? After my graduation...?” 

“You'll be relocated to Austin. You'll be given a small apartment on base, a week to get used to the new place before you start your new job.” 

Deflating a bit, Allison bit her lip and tapped her feet against the floor. “My parents don't live too far from Austin.” 

“I know, that's why I was horrified when I found out. But you're nineteen, they can't make you do anything.” Standing up, Holly made her way over to Allison and placed both hands on her shoulders, tilting her head up so that she was looking at her. “And if anything does happen, you tell me and I will fly out there to kick their fuckin' asses.” A deep southern accent came out at the end of that statement, and Allison grinned up at her CO. 

“Not if I kick their asses first.” Doing her best to smile, she relaxed slightly. In her nine weeks, Holly had become something of a surrogate mother to her. It would be hard managing without her. 

“Yeah, yeah. Kick your dad's ass for me.” Rolling her eyes, she gestured for Allison to sit down. “C'mon, we still need to have our weekly chat.” 

“Right.” With a sigh, she sat back down again and waited as Holly sat across from her. Warm, kind brown eyes looked across the desk at her Allison, who bit her lip and sat up. “What are we talking about this week?” 

“Your depression.” Internally, Allison winced. That was the subject she hated talking about the most. But she sat up straight, looked down at her hands and prepared herself mentally to answer the questions. 

“What about it?” 

“You said you don't feel like throwing yourself off a cliff anymore?” 

“That doesn't mean I'm magically cured.” She rolled her eyes. “Leonard's dick is a many things, but magical it is not.” 

“Do you still want to kill yourself?” Holly pressed, and Allison sat back, arms holding her chest together. Truth be told, there were still moments when she was lying down awake, staring out the window and thinking how easy it would be to just take a gun and –. 

Those thoughts came so easily sometimes, but almost every night she remembered what it was like to come close to death. The way her body went so cold, so numb. How she couldn't remember much, how the euphoria from the high went away and how sleepy she felt. Waking up in a hospital surrounded by people she didn't know telling her she was very lucky to be alive. Cops wanting to know where her parents were. Max having to weasel his way in to get her out without anyone knowing she was a runaway. 

“I think about it every night, you know that. But I can never do it. I came close to dying once before, I won't do it again.” Allison finally said, glancing up at Holly. “Don't get me wrong, I love pain sometimes but..” 

“There's some types of pains you'd rather avoid.”

“Exactly.” She gave her a rare, genuine smile. “But those thoughts have never gone away. No matter what. Ever since I can remember..” 

“Any other symptoms?” 

“Nothing I don't fight through.” Glancing down, she ran her nails up and down her legs, scratching the burn scars that flared up and died down quickly. Reminders. “And no, I'm not taking any damn fuckin' medicine.” 

“It could help. And I'm sure being so close to home..” 

“It's not going to help. Drugs never help hey just make shit worse. I know.” She didn't look up as she said that. 

There was a long period of silence after that. Allison's knees found their way to her chest, and she glared past Holly out at the oak tree, watching the leaves flutter and rustle in the wind. Thinking of how badly she wanted to leave, to get out of the room and fight or punch something. 

“I worry about you.” The words were soft, barely heard over the buzz of the compound and slowly Allison forced her icy blue eyes to stare at Holly. For once, the older woman truly looked older. Lines that would soon become permanent were set on her forehead, and her brows were knitted together, lips pressed in a thin line. 

A range of emotions crossed over Allison's face, ran through her body. Anger. Pity. Annoyance. Depression. Acceptance. “I know.” She finally answered, tearing her eyes away to stare out the window again. “But don't. I don't need anyone worrying for me, or feeling bad for me. I'll be fine, I always am.” 

There was a loud sigh, and it looked like Holly wanted to say something else but she just shook her head. “Go get back to your training, Private.”

Standing up, Allison resumed her tough woman act. Squared her muscles, cocked her head and turned to leave. Before she did, she sucked in a bit of air and murmured, “Thank you.” 

 

Later that night, cramped up in the closet, Leonard was exploring Allison's body with his hands while she ranted to him about not being deployed. She had already fucked most of her anger out, but now she just wanted to rant to someone and Leonard was there. His calloused hands were surprisingly comforting as they stroked her thighs and ass before trailing up to her back. 

“What's so wrong with Austin? I can understand being annoyed with not bein' deployed but Austin isn't tha' bad of a city, Allison.” He finally said, and she sighed, burying her head in her arms and not wanting to talk about it. 

“I don't want to talk about it. It's not important.” 

“Ah, more not wanting to tell me anything about your life.” Those warm, deft fingers traced over the scars on her back. 

“There a problem with that?” 

“Nah. Hey, these scares on your back..” He continued tracing and she made a content noise, closing her eyes. 

“What about them?” 

“They're shaped like wings.” He murmured, kissing them and she frowned. Almost immediately the same ol' bullshit story she told everyone came to her mind. 

“Initiation to a gang when I was fifteen. It was how I survived.” She said, rolling over so that he couldn't see the faint pink marks anymore. He grinned in response, leaning down to lick one of her nipples and she rolled her eyes. 

“You were in a gang?” 

“Yup.”

“That's fuckin' hot.” 

She rolled her eyes again, sitting up and leaning on a wall. “Well, when you're fifteen and on your own in a big city you need protection.” Allison smirked at the look Leonard got on his face as she talked, she rarely spoke about her own life. Bright green eyes glittered, and he scooted closer to her. It was like telling a five year old a fairy tale. 

“You were on your own at fifteen?” 

“Dropped out and ran away.” She shrugged. “Wanted to see the world. Was tired of my backwards town. So I left. Why?” 

“You never talk about your personal life.” 

“Yeah, for reasons.” Rolling her eyes, she sighed and reached out to grab her clothes. 

“Like?” Leaning on her lap, Leonard smirked up at her. “Are you a superhero with a tragic origin story?” 

The tragic origin story was on point. “Nope. Cold bitch from hell who doesn't want people intruding on her personal life.” Pushing him off, she shoved her panties and pants on, ignoring his pout as he lay on the cold stone floor. 

“I'm gonna miss you when you leave, y'know.” He drawled, glancing up at her and she froze a bit, shrugging it off. 

Her bra was on before she answered, looking down at him. “If you're gonna miss me then just fucking write to me. Tell me about how shitty it is where you are and I'll tell you about how shitty Texas is.” 

He laughed then, and it filled her with such a weird warmth that she couldn't help but watch him as he pulled his own clothes on. “Sounds fuckin' perfect. It'll be like pen pals but shittier.” 

“And we can sext over Instant Messaging.” She said, smirking down at him. “Now hurry up and fucking go. I'm hungry but I gotta wait a few minutes after you leave.” 

“Ever so demanding.” Leonard muttered, pulling his white shirt on. When he had first started, it had been too big for him. Now his muscles were straining through the cloth, and she loved it. And, she had to admit she'd miss it a bit. “I'll see you tomorrow?” 

“I'll be here till next week.” Leaning forward, she watched him as he ducked down to kiss her curly, tangled blonde hair before leaving. Just as his hands touched the button to open the door, he turned back to her and opened his mouth to say something but clearly thought better of it and instead just smiled awkwardly before leaving. 

The unsaid goodbye hung in the air around Allison the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eugh this chapter is long overdue, i apologize. stress + working retail during the holidays didnt leave much time for writing. hopefully ill be on track again!


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After finally graduating, Allison discovers who it was who stopped her from being deployed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanna give out some tw for suicide mentions, self harm mentions and past child abuse.

“Where's your family?” A familiar, thick southern accent asked Allison as she sat underneath an Oak tree, watching the first brown leaves fall to the ground. In front of her was the base, teeming with graduates and their families. Less than thirty minutes beforehand her company had finished their ceremony, officially graduating from Basic and now they met with family and loved ones, planning the day ahead before they were shipped out. 

Allison was the only one not being sent to AIT or being deployed. She'd have two days to gather her things and report to her CO in Austin, Texas. The whole thing felt fishy to her, but moreso it annoyed her. She had joined the army because she wanted to fight, to win. Not because she wanted to work on broken down vehicles in fucking Texas. 

With a sigh, she glanced up at Leonard as he sat down next to her. The wind blew towards them, brushing some of her wheat blonde hair into her face. Feeling more annoyed, she pushed it back and looked back down at the families and loved ones. “I don't have a family.” 

“They dead?” He was sitting so close to her, wearing nothing but a white tank and cargo pants. Clearly he had just gotten done running, by the way he was drenched in sweat and hair fell into his face. It was actually kinda hot. 

“Not dead, I just don't talk to them.” Leaning back, she rested on her elbows as she looked down at the base. 

“Well.. Why not?” Leonard asked, and Allison shot him a glare.

“None of your business.” Her voice was thick with venom, and he held up his hands in defeat. 

“Just curious.” 

“Well don't be.” Sounding grumpy, she pulled her legs up.

Picking at some of the grass, Leonard was silent with her for a few minutes before he asked, “Are ya gonna join them for dinner?” 

“Are you serious? Fuck no. I'd rather commit Hara Kiri than join in with that bullshit.” She snapped, rolling her eyes and glancing over at him. His brows were knitted together in that oh-so-familiar look that said he was confused. 

“Hara Kiri?”

“Y'know. Seppuku. Suicide. You take a sword and,” Mimicking it out, Allison pretended to stab herself in the stomach and drag it to her waist. “Then blegh.” Sticking her tongue out, she leaned on Leonard, faking death. 

Pushing her off, Leonard rolled her eyes. “You're fuckin' morbid, Allison.” 

“Oh no.” She rolled her eyes back, laughing. “Leonard fuckin' Church called me morbid. Whatever will I do?” 

“Go write in your diary about it.” 

“I will. I'll blog about it too. 'Dear Diary, today Leonard Church called me morbid and I cried for hours and hours and ruined my black eyeliner and mascara and then cut myself while listening to emo music.'” She teased, smirking at him and he glared at her. 

“Sometimes I wonder why I put up with you.” 

“It's the sex.” She shrugged, trying her best not to take offense at what was most likely harmless words. Still, what he said did hurt just a bit. After all, he was the only one who had put up with her for this long and still came back for more. 

Pulling her legs back up, Allison didn't look at Leonard. He was silent, not saying anything which meant he knew he had said or done something wrong. “I'm sorry.” He murmured, and she looked over at him in surprise. 

“For what?” 

“I don't know, but I did something to piss you off.” 

“Yeah, you kinda did but whatever.” She stuck her tongue out at him as someone broke away from the crowd, making their way up the hill to where Leonard and Allison were sitting.   
Even from a distance, both could see that it was an officer and Leonard swore, getting up. “I should get going.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” Allison waved him away. “Don't want you to get caught. I'll see you tonight in the closet?” 

He nodded, then turned back to look at her, raising an eyebrow. “When are you leaving?”

“Two days.”

“Got it.” And with that he was gone. 

Sighing, Allison got up and brushed off her uniform, standing at attention as Holly reached the Oak tree. “Commander.” She said respectfully, hand saluting Holly who waved her down.   
“Enjoying yourself, Allison?” She asked, turning to look down at the sea of families with the younger woman. 

In response, Allison shrugged. “Not really my thing.” 

“I understand.” Sighing, Holly grasped Allison's shoulder and gave it a quick squeeze. “I need you to come with me.” 

“Wait, what? Why? Am I in trouble?” Allison turned to look at Holly, her lips turned in a frown and the older woman shook her head. 

“No. You've been... Requested.”

“Requested?”

“Someone from home came to see you graduate and would like to take you out, Allison.” Hearing that made Allison suddenly furious and she shook her head. 

“I can't fucking believe my parents would—” 

“He's not your father or mother.” Holly interrupted, frowning at her. “He claims to be an old friend of yours, and he'll soon be your boss.” 

Dumbfounded, Allison stared at her CO in confusion, head tilted to the side as she tried to think about who could want to come and see her. Holly was already making her way down the hill again, not waiting for Allison. 

 

“Oh you have got to be fuckin-” 

“Private Allison, this is Malcolm Hargrove--” 

“Please, miss. We have already met.” Hargrove's cool voice cut through both Holly and Allison's voices as he smoothed his suit, smiling at both of them. At least he had finally fucking shaved his head, Allison thought as she looked at him. But he still had that greasy smile, that smile that wasn't quite a smile and was more a smirk than anything. Smug. 

“You're the one who made the request to transfer me to Austin, didn't you?” She demanded, not waiting for him to tell her. She was fuming, rage coursing through her body as she glared at him. Not only was she pissed now that she knew who had stopped her from going to AIT, but it was him of all people. He knew why she had run away, he knew why she hadn't returned in years. And yet he was dragging her back, all most likely because he wanted to be with her. 

“I thought you'd be happier at home, doing what you used to love rather than...” His face fell a bit. “Fighting aliens and risking your life.” 

“You haven't seen me in close to five years and you dare make presumptions on what I love?” 

Holly cleared her throat, and Allison turned her icy blue gaze onto her. “Allison. Hargrove is taking you off base for dinner.” 

“I don't care, I'm not going.” Shaking her head, she took a few steps back. Her mind was spinning and she really needed to just get away, to do something. 

“Allison..” Holly sighed, shaking her head. 

“Please, Ally.” Malcolm implored her, and she glared up at him, praying to whatever God that was out there that she wasn't physically shaking. “Let me take you out to dinner. You can complain to me all you want, we can catch up on what we've been doing the past five years and I can explain why I'm bringing you back.” 

Sighing, Allison looked away from him and composed herself. “Fine. I'll go with you.” There was a sigh of relief from both Holly and Malcolm, but Allison glared at them both. “But you better have a damn good explanation of why you fucking ruined my career.” 

“Of course, my dear.” Looking a bit happier, Malcolm offered her his arm and slowly, mechanically, Allison took it. 

“Just be back before eleven.” Holly said, moving to sit behind her desk. When Allison looked at her, she looked almost sad. 

“Naturally.” Patting her hand, Malcolm bowed his head and thanked Holly before leading Allison out of the office, and down the hall. 

The blonde was silent, staring down at the floor, waiting for Malcolm to say something before she did. “I was there at your graduation. Your parents were there too.” He said, staring down at her to see her reaction. Immediately she felt that rush of pure anger, but made sure it didn't show. 

“Where are they now?” Please don't say at the restaurant, please, please.. 

“They had a plane to catch, but they pass on their congratulations and their love.” 

“Good.” She looked away, watched the people they passed. The other recruits, still working. Running from one area to another. 

“You don't sound disappointed that they won't be joining us.” 

“I never want to see them again.” She snapped, and he sighed. 

“Ally--” 

“Ally!” Two men said the nickname at once, and Malcolm froze, his grip tightening on Allison's arm. Turning around, they both looked at Leonard as he ran up to her. His dark hair was still a mess, but his eyes were shining bright as he grinned at her, acting as if they hadn't just seen each other minutes ago. 

“Hey, Leonerd.” Pulling away from Malcolm, Allison grinned at the other man. 

“Heard you graduated.” 

“Yep. Top of my class.” She smirked at him. 

“Shame you're not moving on to AIT.” His lips pulled down in a small pout, and she shrugged. 

“Oh well. I'm sure I'll raise hell elsewhere.” 

“'Course you will.” 

“Ally?” Malcolm cut through their discussion, and Allison turned back to him, raising an eyebrow. “Introduce us?”

“Ah. Of course. Malcolm, this is Private Leonard Church. Leonerd, this is Malcolm Hargrove. Childhood best friend and apparently the person running the fort I'm being sent to.” The last part was all she needed to give Leonard to make him annoyed at Malcolm, and she could see it on his face. His brows furrowed, and thin pale lips were set in a straight line. 

“Interesting. It's a pleasure to meet you, sir.” Leonard's voice, which was normally so warm and inviting was cold and unfriendly as he bowed a bit. 

Malcolm, sensing the sudden change in demeanor dipped his head. “Likewise, Private. Now don't you have somewhere to be?” He glanced at Allison, who's eyes were on Leonard. The man in question rolled his neck and nodded. 

“Of course. Just wanted to tell my best friend congrats.” Dipping his head, he suddenly disappeared into the sea of recruits, and Allison smirked. He knew how pissed she had been at being relocated to Austin, and had done his best to poke at Malcolm. Whether or not it worked, she couldn't tell, but he would definitely be rewarded for it that night. 

“Come on, Allison. We have a dinner to attend to.” Practically growling, Malcolm grabbed Allison's arm and yanked her forward, forcing her to keep up with him. She glanced back one last time, to try and catch one more glance of Leonard. 

When she did, he was smirking and winking at her, and she grinned back at him. Knowing that she had him to come back to at the end of the night would be what got her through the rest of the evening. 

 

The restaurant that Malcom had picked out was incredibly fancy, so fancy Allison had no idea what the different forks and spoons were for. Her face twisted up a bit, but she had some manners, and placed her napkin on her lap. 

“Would you like anything to drink, Ally? Wine? Sweet tea? Soda?” 

“Water will be fine, thanks.” Wine tasted like shit, sweet tea was for Georgians and soda was way too sweet for her. 

“Of course.” The waiter was sent off with an order of his most expensive bottle of white wine, and a jug of water for Allison. Almost as soon as he left, another waiter placed bread and oil on the table, smiling at the two of them. Feeling a bit awkward, but still hungry nonetheless, Allison reached out and took a piece, nibbiling on it as she stared at Malcolm, took in five years of changes.

He was no longer the scrawny, pimply faced boy he had been when he was a teen, that was for sure. Becoming an adult had favored him, but had made him no less unattractive than when he was younger. At least he had given up on his receding hairline.

And when he looked back at her, she wondered what he saw. How much had she changed in the five years since they had last met? Hopefully she had put on more weight, her parents had starved her before she had left, and she had been skin and bones when she ran away. Her hair was also nicer, long and curly and not tangled and unkempt from stress. But what else did he see when he looked at her? Did he see how much happier she was? How better off she was? 

“You look as gorgeous as ever, Ally.” He praised, and she tilted her head to the side. 

“And you gave up on your hair.” She said in return. He looked mildly offended, but shrugged and took a piece of bread. 

“It was a losing battle, and I prefer to win.” 

“Of course you do.” Crumbs fell into her lap, and she ignored them. Malcolm looked up at her, stared at her for a long moment then sighed as the waiter broke the tension that was starting to come up between them, pouring him his wine and her her water. Condensation formed on the outer edge of the cup immediately, dripping down and Allison watched it. The waiter and Malcolm spoke of specials, and appetizers, and when the nice young man finally went away Malcolm turned his attention once more to Allison. 

“So tell me what has happened to you since you ran away.” He said, dipping his bread in the oil and looking up at her. 

Biting her lip, Allison leaned back and debated on what to tell him, and how much to tell him. “I found some people, they protected and took care of me. Taught me how to fight. We traveled the country.” It was a quick, simple summary of the past five years for her. One that barely scratched the surface of what had happened to her. The fights, the drugs, the alcohol..   
“When did you decide to enlist? Or were you drafted?” Malcolm must have known that wasn't it, yet he didn't press. 

“I enlisted. Got my GED with the help of some friends and signed up.”

“Why?”

“Why not? I like fighting, I'm good at it. I can kick ass with weapons, or with just my fists.” She shrugged, grabbing another piece of bread to pick apart at. “I wanted to defend my planet.” 

Pale eyebrows furrowed together in frustration, and blue eyes glared up at her. “You are mad at me for having you come to Austin.” 

“Don't sound so surprised.” 

“I figured you'd be happy to be back home.” He sighed, running a hand over his face. “Ally, when I found out where they were going to send you I... I was scared. I hadn't heard from you in years, and suddenly you were there. In my grasp, but they were going to send you to the fucking front lines after AIT, I couldn't just.. Stand back and let that happen. I wanted, no, I needed you here safe, with me.” 

“You act like that's not what I wanted!” It was hard to keep from shouting, and instead Allison leaned forward to whisper heatedly, “You do not get to decide what is and isn't best for me, Malcolm. I want to be on the front lines, I want to fight! Not be stuck in some fuckin' garage working on vehicles.” 

Sighing, he shook his head at her. “Ally, I couldn't.. I couldn't let them send you out there to die, I am protecting you.” 

“I don't need your protection!” 

“That, you have made clear.” Now he sat back, sipping his wine. Allison continued to glower at him, her hands gripping the table before she sat back as well. 

“How did you get the power to dictate where I go?” 

“My father. Decided I should start following in his footsteps.” Swirling the wine, he took another sip and she wanted to smack it out of his hands. “Gave me my own new fort to command.” 

“Congratu-fuckin-lations.” 

“Thank you.” 

There was a long, awkward pause as the two of them stared at each other. Other patrons continued to chat, oblivious to the storm that was raging within Allison. It was bad enough finally knowing and seeing who had denied her what she had dreamed of, but what was worse was the idea that someone else knew what was best for her. That did not sit well with her. 

“You're angry with me.” Malcolm sighed, setting his glass of wine down and Allison looked away. 

“Is it that obvious?” 

“You were always so angry, when we were younger. I was hoping that when you grew up you'd be... Less so.”

Letting out a bitter laugh, Allison rolled her eyes. “I had every reason to be angry when we were younger.” 

“Why? You were the luckiest girl in our town. Your father was the pastor, your mother was so kind and loving. You were rich, got everything you wanted and you were so beautiful--”   
“And I was abused every single fucking night.” Shaking her head, she closed her eyes. “For every fucking little minuscule thing, I was beaten and yelled at.” 

“Your parents were hard on you, all parents are. My buttocks probably still have markings from my fathers belt--”

“Do your thighs have cigarette burns from when your mother decided you weren't pretty enough to go to Mass?” 

“Well--” 

“My parents were not hard on me, Mal. They were abusive and shitty.” She looked away from him, unable to stare at his fucking face any longer. “They fucked me up and you brought them to my graduation ceremony. You're forcing me to go back to the city they live in, where they can see me. And you know about all this, too. I told you. I confided in you, I thought I could trust you and yet--” 

“You can trust me, Ally. They came of their own free will, as for the fact that you'll be based where they live? That's because Austin is my home town, and I wanted a fort there. I'm not bringing you there to force you to see them. You can never see them again for all I care. I just want you there with me. By my side. Where you belong.” 

“I belong with my friends in AIT.” Turning back to him, Allison could feel the sting of unshed tears in her eyes. “Not in a town I don't belong in.” 

Sighing again, Malcolm shook his head. “Ally-” 

“I think I'm going to go.” Standing up, she set the napkin neatly back on the table. 

“What?” His voice, normally so cool and calm became angered. “You can't, I'm your boss. You'll stay and enjoy this nice celebratory dinner for you.” He demanded, and Allison glared up at him. 

“Not until I'm on your base do you control me, Malcolm. Holly is still my CO, and I believe that right now it is time for me to go. There is nothing for me to gain here.” She smoothed her uniform, glaring down at Malcolm as his mouth opened and closed, unable to think of what to say. 

“How will you get back?” He finally asked as she turned and walked to the door. 

“I can walk. No one will fuck with me.” She looked back at him, and gave him a quick salute “I'll report for duty on Tuesday, sir.” And with that, she was gone and hoping that Leonard would be available when she got back to base.


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the abrupt end to Malcom and Allison's "date", Allison learns something that doesn't make her happy, and in the end confesses things she's held back for years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Major tw for rape, drugs, alcohol, implied child abuse. 
> 
> Also, a serious thank you to Max for inspiring me and pressuring me to write. I probably couldn't have done it without him. Thank you Max, I love you you big nerd <3

Nails raked down her back, a flare of pain blossoming as the long, rough nails hit the scars decorating Allison's back. But she loved it, arching her back up in the touch and moaning softly as she gripped Leonard's shoulder. Each moan, each touch was another fuck you to Malcolm. Another reminder that she was her own person, not his.

Pulling her hair to the side, Allison glanced down at Leonard. He was in an incredibly uncomfortable spot, his back pressed up against the hard, cold metal shelves of the closet they normally fucked in. But he was looking up at her with a look of utter smugness, his hands grabbing her waist and nails digging into her skin. The look on his face was a reminder that he _knew_ how weak he could make her, how she could dissolve into putty in his hands. And she both hated and loved it.   
Just as she leaned in to wipe the smug face away with a kiss, the door to the room was bust open and bright, artificial light shone in. Holding her hand over her head, and thankful that Leonard hadn't taken her bra off yet, Allison rolled off of him and looked up to see who had interrupted them.

“Fuck fuck fuck.” Leonard was whispering, moving to throw his shirt back on, but Allison relaxed when she recognized the silhouette of the figure standing in front of them.

“Holly.” Getting up, she began buttoning up her suit again, not looking at the redheaded woman who's arms were crossed.

“Private McCoy. Private Church.” She glanced at Leonard, who was still swearing and fumbling. “Private Church, get back to your bunks. McCoy, we need to talk.” Her voice was deep, cold, indicating to Allison that something was wrong. Trying to ignore the deep, sinking feeling in her stomach Allison nodded. As she left with Holly, she turned to give Leonard a quick smile, sticking her tongue out to make him feel better. He smiled a bit awkwardly at her, but his eyes were full of worry.

“Holly, what's going on?” Once they were out of earshot she stepped up to her CO, confused and a bit annoyed. Her crotch still felt uncomfortably warm, and there was nothing she wanted more than to go back to the closet and finish what Leonard had started. “Am I in trouble? Is it because I ditched Mal at the restaurant? 'Cause if so that's not my fuckin' problem, he was going off about complete and utter bullshit--”

“For once in your life, Private McCoy, keep your mouth shut.” Holly snapped, and Allison recoiled. A rush went through her, although it was an unpleasant rush. Immediately her mind began to spin, and the paranoia that had for so long gone been kept at bay by Leonard started to come back. “Yes ma'am.” She muttered, casting her eyes down and following the older woman back to her office. She was dim, subdued, and the world around her seemed oblivious to whatever was going on. New recruits bustled on hurriedly, while those who had just graduated celebrated in the halls. No one seemed to notice, or care where Holly and Allison were headed.

It was only when Allison noticed they had passed Holly's office that she became curious. “Ma'am?” She asked, her voice unnaturally hesitant and worried. What the hell was going on? But if Holly had an answer, she chose not to share it, instead opening a door and pushing Allison inside.

It was a small room, the only illumination being the blue screen at the far end of the room. Surrounded in metal plating, it was cold and eerie and gave Allison a bad vibe. Or maybe it was just the claustrophobia setting in.

“What did you do or say to Hargrove, Allison?” Finally turning to her private, the older woman had her hands behind her back. Her face was a mask, but underneath it Allison could see the fear and worry.

“Why does it matter?” She asked in response, and Holly sighed.

“It matters because he's the man in charge of your base, and his father practically owns the UNSC. It matters because you're being sent to Austin tonight, with none of your things and only a bare amount of money to help you get by. It matters because when he returned...” She bit her lip, looking away and rocking back on her heels.

“I've dealt with the Hargrove's my entire military career. They're an old family, with a lot of money behind them and the UNSC sits in the palm of their hands. Most people would be surprised upon finding out that a twenty-four year old man with a degree in business from MIT has his own base that he runs. But not me. I was, however surprised that he directly requested you.”

Running a hand through her curly blonde hair, Allison sighed as she listened to Holly. “I knew Malcolm back when I was a kid. We both lived in Austin, him and his parents used to go to my dads church and we were in sunday school together. He's five years older than me, by the time I ran away he was already in MIT making waves.” Her lower lip stuck out, and she shrugged her shoulders.

“He used to have this idea in his mind that once he got back from college I'd want to be with him. My parents supported the idea. The Hargrove's... They gave them a lot of money. I wouldn't be surprised if they live in a mansion now.”

“So you two knew each other?”

“Yeah. We lost contact after I ran away.”

“Did he know..?”

Now Allison snorted, her arms going in the defensive position around her chest that kept her together, kept her from falling apart. “That my parents abused me? Yeah. He knew. I thought I could trust him. But he.. He just passed it off as them giving me punishment I deserved. It was the whole 'A parent knows what's best for their child' bullshit. He tried giving me that tonight.”

“So your dinner didn't go that well, I'm guessing?”

“Depends on how you define well.” She growled, pacing the floor. “He acted just like Jonathan used to. Fuckin' acting like he knows what's best for me. I guess everyone knows what's best for me but me. I don't want to work on vehicles I want to fuckin' fight!” Feeling her anger wash over her, Allison lashed out and kicked at the metal walls. It didn't do much but make a loud noise, and send waves of pain up her legs. Snarling, she hit the thing that hurt, ignoring that lashing out more would hurt her more.

Rage and manic depression rose throughout her, and before she knew it she was banging against the cold metal, warming it up as she snarled and screamed and sobbed. The rest of the room was silent, Holly watching and waiting for her to calm down. Everything was so blue, so grey she _hated_ it. The way the light from the board shone upon the metal made it look like _his_ eyes and she screamed again in anger, wishing that it was a different color, any color but _it_.

After what seemed like a lifetime, but was really only a few short minutes Allison dropped to her knees, forehead pressed against the cold metal. In the back of her mind a voice rang, deep and frightening,

_“You're a failure, and you'll always be a failure.”_ Her father's voice was so clear, it was like he was in there with her and each scar on her body began to burn. But not in the blissful way they burned when Leonard aggravated her, but rather in a way that made her want to curl up into a ball and let Jonathan inject her with heroin, anything to make the pain stop and to bring back that bliss.

“I'm being deployed tonight?” She finally asked, her voice hoarse. “Why?”

“From what you've told me, he wants you, Allison.”

“I don't want him.”

“He can make your life a living hell.”

“What a change.” Voice thick with sarcasm, she forced herself off of the metal wall and looked up at Holly. “What do I do?”

“Pack your bags. Fly to Austin. Go to him. Deal with him.”

“Give him what he wants.”

“Not necessarily. Technically, what he wants is illegal.”

Turning so that her back was pressed against the wall of the room, Allison looked up at Holly. She could see the pity, the worry and the fear in the woman's eyes and yet it didn't make her angry or sick. It made her feel.. Warm.

“I don't think he cares about legality, Holly.”

“No, neither do I.” Moving so that she was sitting cross-legged across from Allison, Holly raised an eyebrow. “What are your feelings for Church?”

“Leonard?”

“Yes.”

“He's a friend and a good fuck. Why do you care?” Allison looked up, confused.

“Would you be happier with him?”

“I--” Allison took a deep breath and looked away. “I don't want to be in a relationship. Not with Malcolm, or Leonard, and I highly doubt either of them would want to be with me once they got to know me better.” There it was again, the fear that came up so much. The fear that once someone knew who she was, knew more about her and her past they would leave her. “I mean, just look at me. I'm a nineteen year old girl with more ghosts and demons than half of the men on this base who have been to war. I can't control my emotions, I'm volatile and hateful and all I want to do is just fight, drink and do drugs. I have no purpose in life.”

“He will miss you, you know.” Holly's voice was soft when she spoke, and when Allison looked up at her her eyes were sad.

“He knew what he was signing himself up for when we started our affair.” Was all she said in response.

“Will you at least tell the poor boy goodbye before you leave?”

Another snort. “Nah. I don't say goodbye.”

“Why not?” Holly seemed genuinely curious, so Allison shrugged her shoulders.

“It's just a habit I picked up when I was younger. It seemed like everytime I said goodbye to a friend, I never saw them again. It didn't matter if they were arrested, or shot, or OD'd or just disappeared.. It was kinda like a curse, you know?”

“There was this girl I knew. She was beautiful, amazing. If I could feel love I woulda loved her with all my heart. She was amazing, taught me how to fight, how to sing, how to do so many things... We were like this.” She held up two fingers intertwined together. “And we always stuck together. Got drunk together, got high together, stole shit together. It was a match made in fuckin' heaven.”

“Her name was Natalie, but she hated the name. Preferred being called Nat. Well, one night we were out of food, so Nat decided to get us food 'cuz we were starving. I told her I'd go with, but I was high as a fucking kite and would have gotten her caught so I stayed behind while she left with some other guy to go steal food.”

“She was always so demanding, so I gave her a kiss before she left. My last words to her were 'Goodbye'. And then she was gone. She never came back. The guy who went with, he was a bit drunk and...” Why was she even saying this? Bringing up those memories, she curled up and her eyes stung. “He wanted something she wouldn't give him. So he forced her to give it to him and slit her throat for not giving it to him in the first place.” Her voice became soft, quiet as she looked down. The screen bleeped in the silence, waiting for her to go on.

“After that.. I just couldn't do it anymore. Couldn't keep saying goodbye to people when they weren't gonna make it back, y'know? What was the point? Besides, if you say goodbye to someone then they're truly gone. But if you don't say it it's not that they're gone... They're just not around right now.”

There was another long stretch of silence, and when Allison finally looked up she could see the light of the screen reflecting off of the tears falling down Holly's eyes. She was pretty sure there were tears on her cheeks as well, she just ignored them.

“You should go.. Won't want to keep Hargrove waiting.” Holly muttered, wiping at her cheeks as she got up, offering Allison her hand, and the other woman took it, getting up slowly, mechanically.

“Where should I go?” She asked, brushing herself off, pretending like the conversation hadn't happened, like in the middle of the night when she was sleeping she wouldn't dream herself in Nat's place and wake up in a cold sweat, screaming and begging for someone to save her.

“Dock One. There's a ship waiting to take you to Austin.” Holly tilted Allison's chin up suddenly, and the young girl was forced to look at her CO closely. Forced to see the scars of war that lined her cheeks, and dripped down into her suit. Forced to look at a woman barely ten years older than her who looked like she was in her forties. Forced to see the pity, and regret in her warm, kind eyes.

“I won't say goodbye, because I know you don't like it just.. Take care of yourself, McCoy. Try not to piss off Hargove, and just do your job well. I know sooner or later you'll be doing something you love.” Holly said, doing her best to smile as her calloused thumb rubbed comforting circles into Allison's cheek.

In that moment, Allison didn't want to leave. She didn't want to go onto the ship that would take her back home. All she wanted was to curl up into this woman's body and cry, to feel warm arms around her that would comfort her. To feel the mother she never had. But she couldn't. She had to go, and she couldn't let herself break so easily.

“I'll see ya around, Holly.” She murmured, and the woman smiled, patting her back and directing out the door. The crowd in the halls had diminished slightly, yet there were still people mingling about, looking up at Allison in confusion or fear, depending on how long they had been at the base.

With a sigh, she began heading to the dock, not turning to go back to her barracks. There was nothing for her there, and as Holly had said, she wouldn't be allowed to take anything with her anyways.

Panic and nerves ran through her system, jolting her nerves but she pushed it down as she fixed her ponytail, tightening it. People moved out of the way for her, and she was grateful for it. There were just a few more steps to the dock, a few more steps to her new life--

“McCoy!” Holly shouted out, and Allison turned back. “I'll be watching out for you so don't do anything stupid!” She sounded serious, but Allison just grinned back at her.

“No promises.” She called back as the door to the dock's opened, and her new life began.

 


	6. Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loneliness hit her like a train on the track.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slight tw for blood/death mention and major gross shippy pda at the end. also i swear this isn't gonna be some sort of love triangle bullshit. everything will make sense in the long run.

By the time her second week had rolled around, Allison had fallen into a pattern. Each weekday morning she woke up at the crack of dawn and went for a long run around the base, watching the sunrise and listening to old music. Before everyone else was waking up she was getting ready for her day. Breakfast was a simple protein bar, she really couldn't make much else. 

Her uniform was simple. Cargo pants, steel toed boots, a black tank top and her hair up in a ponytail. At 0700 hours she clocked in, getting to work on the various vehicles that came into the base. Warthogs, Pelicans, Battle Tanks.. All sorts of beaten up things passed through the garage on a daily basis, and Allison got to work on all of them. 

Lunch was another protein bar, and then it was back to the grind. By 1600 hours Allison was clocked out for the day, headed straight towards the gym where she vented most of her anger out on training dummies. Everyday her strength grew, as did her anger at her situation. So far, neither her parents nor Malcolm had approached her since arriving in Austin. And she couldn't tell what was worse, the crippling loneliness that came with no one talking to her, or the possibility of reaching out to her parents. 

After a two hour workout, Allison explored Austin. Despite living in a suburb of the large technological city, she had rarely visited it as a child. Her parents had felt that it was too much for her, and had kept her away from it as much as possible. But now, nineteen years old and with no one to boss her around, she explored the city each and every day. Her funds were low, but that didn't stop her from trying out different foods at food carts, or buying small appetizers at nice restaurants. 

Most of all, however, Allison constantly avoided going back to her tiny apartment. She had been given some money to buy furniture, but not much, leading to a sparse place. A beanbag sat in front of the dinky old TV she had bought secondhand, and in her room there was a small mattress with scrappy blankets on top of it and boxes for her clothes. 

Somehow the lack of furniture made the apartment feel much bigger than it really was, and she spent most of her nights curled up, missing human companionship. Although she hated most other people, there was a certain comfort in knowing you weren't completely alone. But Allison had lost that comfort just as quickly as she had gained it. Each night she was plagued with nightmares, always changing. One night the burning metal cut into her back, carving her flesh. Another night she watched as the woman she loved bled out in the streets, her bright red blood staining the white snow. Sometimes she watched a young man, barely an adult being shot in the chest on a battlefield on an alien world, dying alone. 

Each and every night she woke up screaming and sweating, her muscles tensed and body pumping adrenaline through her veins. At best she might get five hours of sleep, at worst she just closed her eyes and never fell asleep. 

Days turned into weeks, and Allison watched as November started to creep into December. Thanksgiving came and went, and she spent the day off working out and eating crappy take out food from the tiny store down the street. The day after she took advantage of the sales to get herself new clothes and entertainment, realizing that she might as well find something to do with her time since she had no friends. 

When she got home, she put her things away. Protein powder, protein shakes, protein bars, cereal, bread, pre-made salads, butter, milk, TV shows to watch and music to listen to. As she threw some music on, she paced around the small living room, wondering what to do about dinner when the bell suddenly rang. 

A pit fell in her stomach, and Allison glared at the door, feeling wary and nervous. Had Malcolm finally decided to show his face and see how she was doing? Or was it someone else? Someone from her past? 

Grabbing her pistol and sticking it in her back pocket, she made her way over to the door. “Yeah?” She called out, hand on the doorknob while the other rested on the pistol. Tense. Waiting. 

“Allison?” A voice called out in a deep southern accent, and almost immediately the blonde woman relaxed. She knew that voice. 

The door was unlocked and opened, and she was greeted with Leonard Church, standing in front of her. The past few weeks had been good to him, he had quickly gone from the scrawny kid she had defended in the mess hall to a very strong young man. He was growing his goatee out, although she knew that he'd soon have to shave it. It still looked good on him. His black hair was slightly longer, and parted to one side, and he was wearing glasses for once. 

As soon as he saw her his face lit up, cheeks flushing just a bit and his lips turned up in the biggest smile she had seen in a long ass time. “Hey, bitch.” He said, and she groaned, rolling her eyes. 

“I should have fuckin' known.” Holly demanding to know how she felt about him, saying she would be watching out for her. “Holly deployed you here, didn't she?”

“I...” His face fell, and he stammered. Those pink cheeks turned bright red. “I don't know what you're talkin' about.” 

She almost felt bad for him. “Jesus Fucking Christ, Leonerd. Don't lie to me.” 

“You were supposed to write to me, I think I deserve the right to lie to you.” Leonard's eyes flashed a bit, and he glared down at her. Crossing her arms, she raised an eyebrow. In all honestly, she had promised to write to him in exchange for him eating her out, but she never kept her promises. Especially if those promises lead people on. 

“Fine. Don't tell me.” Turning she shut the door on him, ignoring his loud protests. Granted, she had lied to him, but in her mind it was best that way. Better for both of them. But this? Spying on her? That was low. 

Feeling annoyed, she turned on her music, letting the loud rock music of the 1980's take over her tiny apartment. Soundwaves ran through her, the low bass resonating in her stomach and she laid down on the crappy carpet, surrendering her emotions to the music. There was pounding on the door, but eventually it ceased and Allison grinned smugly, hands behind her head. 

In the end, everyone would be happier this way. She knew for a fact he wouldn't want to love her if he knew she was an ex-drug addict who still had a slight alcohol problem and had dropped out of High School when she was fourteen. He was incredibly smart, and if he made it out of the war alive he'd end up using his talents and brains to bring good to the world. Allison on the other hand would most likely die on a battlefield, or of an overdose of some kind. The only way she could benefit the world was by killing. 

Time moved by quickly, and Allison began to doze as the music raged in her ears. She hadn't slept much the night before, and now she curled up on her side in a defensive pose. Her body was exhausted, and slowly her rushed breathing relaxed, becoming more mellow as she fell asleep. 

Letting that happen was a mistake, one she quickly learned. Even with Joan Jett blaring, the nightmares came. Worse than ever, really. Quickly relaxed muscles became tense, sweat beads began to form at her forehead and her fists curled up. 

There was snow on the ground. Cold, and melting through her shoes and socks, making her feet cold. Shivering in her thin jacket, she held her arms around her chest to keep herself from outright shaking. Slowly, she started walking, even though she screamed at herself not to. There was a corner barely two feet away, and she knew what lay beyond it.

Blood stained the pale white snow, marring it's beauty and melting it with it's warmth. Water and blood collided, dripping down the cracked pavement to road. It was a horridly beautiful trail that led to a broken body lying in the snow, skin as white as the powdery fluff it lay in. 

It was a sickeningly familiar site, but something had changed about it. The body lying in front of her didn't have dyed bright blue hair, or piercings. It was more masculine and muscular, with crunched glasses on it's face. 

A scream collected in her throat, and this was normally the part where her body thrashed and she woke up crying and sweating, trembling from head to toe. But no matter how hard she willed herself too, she couldn't bring herself to tear away her eyes from the sight. 

Natalie was no longer the person lying in the snow, bleeding out onto the street. It was Leonard. His steel blue shirt was stained with blood, his eyebrows lifted up in horror and those bright green eyes were dimmed, widened in horror. 

Her knees trembled and collapsed, forcing to the ground. How long she sat there, staring, she didn't know. But when she woke up, she wasn't thrashing or screaming. Her body was covered in sweat, and she was definitely crying. But the horror of what had happened had numbed her, and instead her eyes opened, staring ahead at the wall. 

Minutes passed by before the music was turned off and she forced herself up. The sweating had subsided, somewhat, but she still felt gross and like she needed a shower. Her stomach protested however, demanding food and she looked out the window. The sun hung heavy in the sky. Hours had passed, and she needed dinner. 

With a sigh, she merely changed her clothes and threw on some deodorant before grabbing her things. There was no point in cooking, she didn't know how to or have the right ingredients. Instead, food from a food cart would have to suffice for the time being. 

“Allison.” Leonard's voice cut through her thoughts as she locked the door, and with a sigh she looked up at him. He was staring at her sadly, wearing a tight blue shirt that showed off his recently acquired muscles, hands behind his back. “Running away?” 

“Surprisingly, no.” Her throat was raw from crying, but she covered it up with sass. “I'm hungry.” 

If he was surprised he didn't show it, instead he sighed. “I was gonna go grab some shitty burgers. Come with me?” 

“Uh..” She hesitated, unable to erase the blood stains from her mind. “I mean, I guess.” She didn't want to get too close to him, she had hoped that they would be separated after Basic. The world seemed determined to push them together, and she was doing her best to resist it. 

His eyes lit up a bit, and he held out his hand. “Then it's a date.”

Quickly, Allison did her best to reel him in. “How about we get the burgers then come back to my place? It doesn't have to be a date.” She muttered the last part, and he just smirked at her, taking her hand in his own. Weeks of training had made his once smooth hands calloused, and honestly the first thought in her mind was how good those calloused hands would feel against her skin. 

“Sounds like an even better date.” 

 

If there was one thing Allison loved about Texas, it was the quality of the meat. Even at shitty burger stops the meat was still way better than in any other state, and it was with gusto that she messily dug into her barbeque bacon burger. Across from her, Leonard ate more primly, taking delicate bites and watching her with a look of amusement on his face. 

Wiping away the juices from the meat, she glared at him. “The fuck are you laughing about?” 

“You.” He smirked, leaning on the wall. “You're fuckin' cute, Ally.”

Groaning, she rolled her eyes and took another bite. Speaking with her mouth full, she asked, “Am I still cute now, Leonerd?” Although it sounded more like, “Arm ah stall cow now, Leonaw?”

Staring at her, his eyes widened before he suddenly burst out laughing, leaning over. “What tha hell did you just say?”

“I told you to go fuck yourself.” Allison muttered, swallowing and grabbing one of his fries. “So, how's this 'date' going for you?” 

“We'll see.” He moved to lie down, chewing on a fry. “If I score, it'll be a perfect date.” 

“And what is it right now?”

“A pretty damn good one, if I do say so myself.” He grinned at her, winking and she rolled her eyes. 

“I don't count this as a date.” 

He sighed a bit, choosing not to answer that and to instead eat his burger in silence. Feeling as though she had won, Allison continued to eat as well. At first she had said they could watch something, but he hadn't suggested anything and she was far too lazy to throw something on the TV. Instead she watched him a bit curiously, eating her food. They were outside of Basic, and no longer had to act like the dutiful soldiers. They could be genuine around the other, and she wondered what affect it would have on their... Relationship.   
“Hey, Ally?” Leonard asked suddenly, looking up at her as he propped his hand on his elbow. 

“Sup, Leonerd?” She took another bite of her burger. 

His features turned into a slight frown as he sat up. “Why don't you like dating?” 

Oh. There was a brief moment when she wanted to open up to him, to tell him everything. About her parents, Natalie, her life. And in that moment she quickly remembered why she never told anyone and shut her mouth then shrugged. 

“Dunno, Leonerd. Guess it's just not my cup of tea.”

“Have you ever dated before?”

Yes. “No.”

“You've had sex before, though.” 

“How do you know?” She asked, raising an eyebrow and he shrugged. 

“You were quite good at it when we first fucked.” He said in response, and she couldn't help herself, she laughed at that. 

“Maybe I just watch really good porn.” Allison smirked at him, and he rolled his eyes. 

“Ally.. I like you. You're a mean bitch, and a bit of a cunt and sometimes you say shit that makes me want to smack you but... You're also incredibly beautiful, and smart and funny and I want to--” 

He was cut off by her cold voice. “You don't know jack shit about me.” As he opened his mouth to speak she glared at him, shutting it up. “You don't. You know what I want you to know, you see what I want you to see. Don't sit there acting like you love me because we fucked for a few weeks. That doesn't mean shit. It never did. You were nothing more than a distraction, some stress relief and--” 

“I refuse to believe that.” Leonard growled, and she shook her head. 

“Like it or not, believe it or not it's true. Get it through your thick fucking head, I don't--” There was a knock on the door and she was cut off, glaring at the door. The room was silent, both of them waiting as whoever it was knocked again, more sharply. 

With a sigh, Allison pushed herself up and walked over to the door. “I'm coming, I'm coming.” She muttered, pulling it open and raising an eyebrow.

Malcolm Hargrove stood in front of her, a bouquet of blue bonnets in his hand, dressed in an elegant tuxedo. “Allison.” He said with a smile, offering her the flowers. She didn't take them. 

“How did you get--” 

“Ally, who is it?” Leonard asked, getting up and walking to the door. Upon seeing the other man, Hargrove's nostrils flared slightly. “Oh.” 

“Leonard, this is Malcolm Hargrove.” Allison's voice was gentler than it had been, and she looked up at Hargrove with an almost daring look on her face. “He's our CO here.” 

“Pleasure to meet you, sir.” Graciously, Leonard took the older man's hand, shaking it gently. Hagrove stood there, stiff and looking as if he had just had something sour. 

“And you. You're the man Commander Holly sent me, to work in the armory.” He looked almost dismissive, glancing at Allison again. “I was going to ask you to join me on a night out tonight, to explore Austin. I realize I haven't spoken to you in weeks, I've been terribly busy with bureaucratic things. But I thought we might... Explore our old haunts.” The look on his face dared her to deny him, and she quickly did. 

“That's incredibly kind of you, Mal. But as you can see, I've gotten dinner with Leonard and we were in the middle of a date. It would be rude of me to leave him and join you.” Tilting to her side, she grinned up at him. The stems of the blue bonnets were crushed. 

In all honesty, Allison was surprised she wasn't discharged on the spot. But Hargrove just nodded his head. “Of course, how silly of me. Hopefully we can find another night to go back to where we grew up?” He glared at Leonard as he said that, who merely just wrapped an arm around Allison's waist, grinning. 

“Absolutely.” There was no way in hell she would ever do that. “Goodnight, Mal.” With nothing more to say, she all but shut the door in his face. After a brief pause, Leonard squeezed her waist and pressed his soft lips to her neck. 

“So, tonight was a date, hm?” He asked, hand slipping down to cup her ass. 

Sighing, she turned and glared at him, yet didn't move the hand. “You know exactly why I said that, don't even.” 

“All I know,” His voice was low, teasing. He grabbed both her hips, pulling him flush against her and she all but snorted. “Is that you just admitted that we're on a date.”

“You're such a fuckin' asshole. You know that, right? Like. This is something you are aware of?” She couldn't help herself, it had been weeks since she had been this close to someone, and her forehead pressed against his. 

“I'd rather be an asshole who fucks you every night than a kind man who doesn't.” He murmured, moving to kiss her. Warmth spread from his lips throughout her body, and her arms moved of their own volition. One went to cup his neck gently, fingers threading through his dark hair. The other went to his waist, gripping his hips so tightly. As he pulled away, he sucked on her lower lip, looking proud of himself. 

“I came here for more than just Holly,” He whispered, closing his eyes and breathing a bit heavily. She didn't say anything, just listened as he spoke. “I came here for you, Allison. I missed you every day you were gone. I need you.” His hand went to her curly hair, tangling in it. 

Looking down, Allison was silent. She didn't want to date him, she didn't want to lose him or go through any unnecessary pain. It touched, that he cared so much, but she knew the moment he got to know her all that kindness and sympathy would go out the window. All she could do was enjoy the sexual side of their relationship, and wait for the truth to come out. 

“C'mon, Leonard.” She murmured, grabbing his hand. “Let's fuck hard enough that Malcolm hears us in his lonely office.” 

His brows furrowed in confusion, and he opened his mouth to say something, but thought better of it and nodded. “After you.”


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If there's one thing Allison hates more than sweets it's goodbyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for blood & disassociation, as well as references to child abuse.
> 
> This chapter came out a bit quicker than I intended, and thank you Max for reminding me how I needed to uh. Include what happens in the story. I would have forgotten without you. 
> 
> Also I feel like I'm rushing the plot along so please. Someone. Anyone. Give me constructive criticism.

Something wrapped in paper that smelled suspiciously like a spicy chicken sandwich was dropped in Allison's lap as she sat at her workbench, staring at a dead engine while trying to figure out what the fuck was wrong with it. Glancing down at it, she set the engine aside and picked up the sandwich, looking directly above her at the man who had plopped it down on her. 

“Happy Monday.” Leonard Church said, leaning down to kiss her forehead and a pit immediately sunk down in her stomach. Sure, they had spent the entire weekend in bed together having some of the best sex that Allison had ever had, but she had hoped he wouldn't think they were dating. 

“What the hell is this?” She asked with a frown, looking down at the sandwich. 

Sitting next to her, Leonard rolled his eyes and shrugged a bit. “I asked around and found out that you don't eat that much, so I decided to buy you lunch. I know how much you like spicy things.” He smirked a bit at that and she internally groaned. “No need to thank me.” His eyebrows furrowed a bit when she didn't say anything and she sighed, taking a bite. 

It definitely was spicy, and it woke her up which was a good thing. Her body had gotten used to getting less than five hours of sleep a night, but the night before she had gotten maybe one or two hours of sleep. And that was being generous. 

With a mouth full of chicken, she turned to him and said, “Thanks, asshole.” Over the weekend the two had come to adopting sort-of pet names for each other. Leonard was asshole, and she was bitch. This had come after he had moaned “baby” during sex and she had nearly gagged. 

Wiping her face, she looked up at him. He was staring at the Pelican she was trying to fix, hands on his hips. “So how's the new job?” 

“Fuckin' terrible.” He glanced down at her. “I feel like it's punishment for being the worst shot in my whole fuckin' graduatin' class.”

“Yeah.” She laughed, taking another bite of her sandwich. “You were pretty fuckin' terrible, heh.” 

Sitting next to her, Leonard offered her a napkin and she took it. “No need to remind me. How's working on vehicles?”

“It's fuckin' amazing.” Allison's voice was thick with sarcasm, and she shook her head, ponytail swishing back and forth. “Gotta fuckin' love the idiots I work with. And it's not like I earned being on the battlefield, or anything.” 

“Most people would be scared shitless to be sent to a battlefield. Yet here you are, practically begging to be sent to one.” 

“Most people are fucking pussies.” 

Leonard let out the most unattractive snort, rolling his eyes and leaning on his legs. “At least Hargrove likes you. I swear to God, give him a reason to and he'll shoot me. I don't even know what I did.” 

Raising an eyebrow, Allison finished up her chicken sandwich before she responded. Taking her time, she licked her fingers, before saying very casually, “Malcolm and I are childhood best friends.” 

“No shit.” Leonard said, looking over at her. At first, she thought he was joking, but he looked genuinely surprised. He leaned on his hand, raising an eyebrow at her as if encouraging her to go on. With a sigh, she set her trash aside and shrugged. 

“I don't like talking about my childhood. It's all a bunch of bullshit. But my parents were like the leaders of a Church--” Leonard snorted and she glared at him. “--and his family always went there. They donated like, a crap ton of money to us so we ended up moving to their neighborhood. Malcolm was older than me, but I always got the sense that he liked me, y'know? I sang in the choir and--”

“Wait, you can sing?” Leonard interjected and Allison gave him a look that made him shut up quickly. 

“Anyways. I sang in the choir and while I wasn't good at math and science and shit, I was good at reading and history and dominated sports. I guess I caught his eye. It was always kinda creepy, cause by the time I left my parents' house he was in college. But, whatever.” She flipped her ponytail, giving him a look. “I didn't keep in contact with anyone when I left, so I guess now that he's found me he thinks I'll want to be with him forever. Since he's got a bunch of money and shit. And while I have no problem sucking a dick for cash--” Leonard gagged a bit, and she ignored it. “--I have no interest in relationships whatsoever.” 

He nodded, looking out again, back at the Pelican. “I guess I should apologize. I keep forcing and pressuring you to feel like we should be in a relationship.” 

That certainly surprised Allison, who turned to him as he kept talking. “If all you want is just.. A physical relationship, no strings attached then I'm fine with that. As long as I spend time with you.” 

“Well.” On a list of things she didn't expect to hear, that was certainly one of them. “Thanks, Leonerd. And if some girl or guy ever catches your eye, don't feel afraid to tell me to fuck off and go date them.” She grinned at him, nudging him and he rolled those pretty green eyes at her. 

“Right. Like that'll ever happen.” He stretched and yawned, and when he did so his shirt lifted up a bit so that she could see his tummy. There was an intense desire to reach out and smack it, but she held herself back, turning away because his crotch was right at her eye level. And she didn't need to further any other fantasies she had while touching herself. “Anyways, I need to head back to the armory before Hargrove finds out I'm bringing you lunch.” 

“Right. Wouldn't want him to get jealous, or anything.” With a sigh, she turned hr gaze back to the engine on the floor, not wanting to go back to working on it. “See you later Leonerd.” 

“Goodbye, Ally.” His hand went to hair, mussing it up and she swore, throwing a wrench at him that he dodged. Laughing, his hands went into his pockets and he practically skipped off. Swearing a bit, she got up and picked the wrench up before going back to her workbench. 

 

One of the perks of getting to work early was that Allison often got off early, which meant plenty of time for her to jog around the base. Dressed in her normal outfit of black tank and ugly secondhand sweats, she did some quick stretches before setting off at leisurely pace. Running was her therapy, as well as violence. But she was denied the latter, so running became her way of sweating out stress. 

It was barely five minutes into her jog when she was interrupted. Rock music blaring in her ear, she nearly punched whoever had reached out to touch her shoulder as she ran past. Jumping, she turned to glare at the man who had done so, preparing to beat him into a pulp when she saw Malcolm. Frowning, her music was turned off and she glared at him.   
“Yeah?” 

“I'm sorry for interrupting your jog, Allison.” Malcolm said smoothly, and she gritted her teeth. “I merely wanted to talk to you.” 

“Can't it wait?” Feeling impatient, she leaned to her side. “I kinda wanna be done while the sun is still out.” 

Glancing up at the sky, he smiled and offered her his arm. “Come with me to my office?” The look he was giving her dared her to say no, and the word sat on the tip of her tongue. He could tell she was deciding how best to tell him to fuck off, when he said, “Come now, dear Allison. How else am I supposed to know you're ready for the front lines?” 

Her eyes narrowed. She knew he had no intention of ever letting her go. “Fine.” She growled, refusing to take his arm. “Lead the way, Mal.” 

“Good girl.” His voice was slick and made her shiver. But, grudgingly, she followed him to his office. Like the rest of the relatively new base, it was incredibly fancy, and most likely very expensive. Made of a cold metal, it was surprisingly empty except for a simple desk, three chairs and a few pedestals that had trophies on them. A large window on her left side showed the base, particularly the shooting range where two men practiced their aim. 

Despite it, it felt claustrophobic. The room was cold, but there were no signs of an air vent. And it was all so monotone in color, she felt like she would suffocate in grey. But Malcolm paid no heed to his guests discomfort, gesturing instead to a chair. “Please, sit.” 

Hesitantly, and slowly, she did so, feeling sudden dread run through her body. Fingers curled into fists, and Allison did her best to watch him as he sat across from her, flipping through a few papers. “How have you been, dear Ally?” 

She hated it when anyone but Leoanrd called her that. “As well as I could be, Malcolm.” 

“Did you miss Austin?” He asked, looking up at her with a small smile. 

“Austin was never really my home. Barton Creek was where I spent most of my days.” Her parents had secluded her, forbidding her from going to the city. It was only recently that she had begun to explore it. “But it is a very lovely city. I can see why you would return here.” 

“Yes..” Sitting down, he nodded at her statement. “I always wanted to come back to here, to return and make a name for myself. This, however is just the first step in my future career.” 

“Oh?” He wasn't looking, so Allison glanced out the window. One of the men practicing his shooting had the same shirt as Leonard, and the same terrible aim. Maybe it was him. If so, after this she'd go and help the poor fucker. 

“Yes. I hope to quickly rise up through the ranks of the UNSC.” Stroking his hairless chin, he raised a nonexistent eyebrow at her. “A wife who is a powerful soldier under the UNSC would definitely help.”

Smiling ever so sweetly at him, Allison feigned innocence. “I suppose you'll have no trouble, now that you have your own base.”

“I suppose not.” Leaning back in his chair, he brought his hands together. “I missed you so much, Ally. When I heard that you had run away, I was heartbroken. And feared for you. Was it hard?” 

That caught her off guard, and she frowned a bit, trying to simultaneously think about why he was asking her, what to say, and how badly she wanted to see Leonard tied up on the desk. “I.. Uh..” She brushed her hair back, and shrugged. 

“No. It wasn't. I had a group of friends who protected me, and we all did odd jobs to get money for food and shit.” It wasn't a complete lie. “And besides, you know why I ran away, Malcolm. Just 'cause you don't think it happened doesn't mean it didn't happen.” All she wanted was to get out, to run away and stop thinking about what was going on. Her scars were starting to ache, and she needed a smoke. Or drink. Or run. Or all of the above.

Malcolm's squid-like features twisted up, and he sighed, leaning forward in his chair. “Allison, let's not talk about whether or not that happened like our lovely dinner. I want to.. I'd like to get to know the woman I care for deeply. The years have changed us both. We should get to know each other, now that we've both changed so much.” 

“Right.” Taking a deep breath, Allison glanced out the window. She was about to open her mouth, to say something but she was frozen in place. One of the men shooting with Leonard was having troubles with his gun, and was smacking it in his hands, trying to figure out what was going on. He didn't even seem to notice that the gun was aimed at the man next to him, holding a sniper rifle and trying to resist the recoil. 

A shout rose up in her throat as the gun suddenly went off, tearing through cloth and flesh. Despite the glass, she could hear the cry of pain. The world went into slow motion. Malcolm turned to see what she was staring at as she jumped out of the chair, moving to dart out of the room as Leonard crumpled onto the ground. 

Her heart was pounding, stomach curling as she ran down the stairs and out to the field. People were shouting for a medic, or an ambulance. In her mind, her nightmares were playing over and over again and everything felt so unreal. As she barreled into the crowd, it was like she wasn't in control anymore, like she was staring down at the world from above. Disconnected.

It was a scene from her nightmares. Blood was everywhere, and Leonard's body lay in a heap on the ground. He was barely conscious, his hands reaching out for something, anything. Someone was crouched next to him, applying pressure to the wound in his legs, and he groaned. His face was slick with sweat, and paler than she thought possible. 

Trembling, and trying to pull herself together Allison fought the tears back. Memories flooded her mind, unbidden. An older man smacking her, screaming at her. “You're a failure and you always will be. Everything you ever do, you will always fail.” Shaking and trembling in the cold, making her way down the streets and calling out Natalie's name only to see her lying there, clothes ripped up and bleeding into the snow. Dead. It was happening all over again. 

“Allison.” Someone in the crowd reached out, trying to pull her back but she resisted, moving to sink down on her knees. People were muttering all around her, but she could barely register it. Her eyes were wide, tears stinging the edges and she knew she should shut her mouth but she couldn't bring herself to. 

Whoever had tried to pull her back sat next to her, arms around her shoulder. When Leonard was put on a stretcher, Allison's shoulders were squeezed and the woman promised she would be back, following after the medics. Ever so slowly, she forced herself to her feet. There was a puddle of blood where Leonard's body had been, and people muttered around her. 

She just stared at the puddle numbly. All she could think about was the fact that the last thing he had said to her was goodbye.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now the hands of time are standin' still. Midnight angel, won't you say you will?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last update for about two weeks due to finals. Some slight tw for blood, mentions of death, drug abuse, etc. Same old same old.

There was a constant beeping sound. If she closed her eyes, she could almost picture it, and she was certain that when she went home she would hear that beeping in her sleep. It was so constant, never changing. When the voices in the waiting room died down, it stayed the same. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. 

Allison had no idea how long she had been sitting in that waiting room. Never moving. Staring at the reception desk, hoping and praying that by some small miracle they might let her in. They let other military personnel in, but none of them told her how she was doing. All of them just stared at her, surprised to see her there. Then they went on their merry way. 

Each second that went by was a second that Leonard might die in. They ticked by so slowly, and it felt like she was a kid again, sitting in a police station answering questions. 

“How did you find the body?”

“I was looking for her.” 

“You knew each other?” 

“We were friends.” 

“Was she involved in any illegal activities? Like gangs? A prostitution ring?” 

“... No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

The blood had stained the grass just as it had stained the snow, a permanent image in her mind. One that would certainly haunt her for years to come. She couldn't put that image past her, couldn't unsee it and as many times as she tried to remember Leonard as alive and vibrant she just couldn't. All she could see was his ashen face, the blood pooling in the soil. 

If only he hadn't said goodbye...

Someone sat by her and she jumped, surprised by their sudden presence. Feeling her muscles tense, she turned to look at the woman who now joined her, watching her with sad eyes. Recognition clicked in the back of Allison's mind, and she sucked in a sudden breath. 

“Holly.” 

Her former CO smiled, nodding. “Hey, kiddo. Figured I'd find you out here.” Gently, she offered Allison a steaming cup of coffee, paired with a crappy burger and fries. Feeling suddenly ravenous, she took them and nearly downed half the cup of coffee in the first go. 

“What are you doing here?” The coffee was bitter and black, and it burned her throat but it felt so good. That pain brought her back down to reality, kept her from drifting too far. 

“Did you really think Hargrove was actively looking for you in the military? No, he only found out about you after visiting me to recruit me. I work under him now, gonna be training recruits.” Holly sighed, leaning back in her seat and glancing at Allison. “Gonna need someone to help me.”

“Right.” Breathing out, she began working on the burger and fries. “You know how he is, don't you?” She asked, picking at the bun, not wanting to hear the answer.

There was a pause, before, “He's going to make it, Allison. He got out of surgery not too long ago, and the last I heard he'll be waking up soon.” Feeling like she was going to cry, the blonde woman nodded, forcing down the lump in her throat. With a cool, even tone she said, 

“That's good. I'm glad.” 

“So am I. But, well... There's a reason I couldn't make it over here till now, Allison. I've been talking to Hargrove.” 

“And?” 

“And there's a very high chance that Leonard won't be able to walk properly again. The shot went clear through his leg, he's most likely going to have a limp most of his life. Hargrove is discharging him if this proves to be the case. He's got the paperwork written out and everything.” 

A memory came to Allison's mind, from one of the last few days she and Leonard had had together before she had graduated. They had been laying down in the closet, holding onto each other. His head had been buried into her shoulder blade, mouth open and soft breaths tickling her skin, raising goosebumps. Her hands were idle, tracing random patterns on the small of his back, just enjoying the feeling of him pressed against her when he had spoken, his accent somehow magnetizing as he spoke softly, 

“I wish I could run away.” When she hadn't responded, he had continued on, “I never wanted to be a part of this war. I can't shoot, can't fight. My desire, my passion is to go to college, to graduate and to make an actual difference in this world. Science is what I'm good at, computers and shit like that.”

Still, she was silent, and still, he went on. “I'm going to die in this war, I know it. We're all just fuckin' fodder for them, distractions so that the actual soldiers can do their job. My body will leave this planet and never return, and I'll die on some fuckin' alien planet. My mother will never get my body, the UNSC doesn't care that much. There's so much I want to do, so much I want to be. But I s'pose I never will be able to be anything but a fuckin' dead kid on a battlefield.” 

As that memory came back, coupled with the idea that Leonard was about to be discharged, Allison laughed. Her hand went over her mouth, as it always did, and she bent over, giggling so hard her body shook. People stared at her, but she didn't care. 

“That'll be the best news Leonard's ever heard, I bet.” She muttered as she calmed down, glancing up at Holly. “He wants to go to college. He never wanted to be a soldier.”

“Well, at least he'll have some good news then.” With a small smile, she patted Allison's back and got up. “Hurry up and finish that up, I'm taking you back to see him.” 

“Wait. Really?” A rush of happiness swelled up in her as she looked up at the other woman. 

 

“He's about to wake up in a hospital, hurt, in pain and without his family. He's going to need people who he cares about.” Holly said, turning away from the other woman. 

“Right..” Bundling up her food, she threw it away. She could grab a protein bar when she got home, or get shitty cafeteria food. As long as she saw Leonard, she really didn't care too much about what she ate for dinner. 

 

The room that Leonard was in was small, with two chairs on either side of him. It was a normal military hospital room, with drab furnishings and metal walls. Comfort didn't exist here. Only his blankets were slightly comforting, a light blue color. Some of the only color in the room. 

Leonard was just starting to wake as they walked in, his eyes fluttering underneath the lids. He had more color to him than he had the last time she had seen him, and he was breathing steadily. His black hair was a disheveled mess, glistening with lingering sweat and pointed every which way. And one hand was outstretched, almost as though he had been expecting Allison to be there all along, expecting her to place her cool hand over his own. 

As she did, his head turned to her, and he slowly opened his eyes. “Someone told me you were out front waiting, but they wouldn't let you in.” He muttered, his voice raspy. “Had a feeling you'd find your way back here.” 

“Well, someone's gotta tell you that you look like fuckin' shit.” Allison said, smiling despite herself as she sat down. Leonard laughed, his eyes more open now. His pupils were dilated, and his brows furrowed as though he were in constant pain. 

“You have such a way with words, my love.” He murmured, moving his thumb to rub the back of hers. “How'd you get in?” 

Glancing up at Holly, Allison decided to ignore the love part. “Holly.” 

“Oh.” He looked a bit surprise, and turned to look at the other woman. “Didn't know you'd be here so soon.”

Holly opened her mouth to reply, but Allison quickly cut her off. “Wait, he knew?” She demanded, sounding annoyed. Holly hadn't told her, making her feel as though she'd be alone on the fuckin' base. 

“It wasn't official until a few weeks ago. After you had left.” She glared at Allison, her face clearly saying that this wasn't the time or place. Still feeling annoyed, she looked away, back down at Leonard who was watching her with a mildly curious face. 

“I heard you scream.” He said, when no one said anything. “At least, I think I did. Were you screaming me? I think I passed out, but I thought I saw you before I did.” 

Feeling surprised, Allison nodded slowly. “I watched you get shot. I was in a meeting with Malcolm, I saw the kid shoot you.” 

“You were scared.” Smiling a bit, he squeezed her hand and she rolled her eyes. 

“I saw one of my friends get shot, fuck you of course I was fuckin' scared you asshole.” She snapped, sounding annoyed again and he chuckled, closing his eyes. 

“It's alright to be scared, Ally. I was scared when you left. Just shows you're human.” His voice was soft, gentle and so loving. She almost hated it. “Do either of you know what's going to happen to me?” 

Glancing up at each other, Holly frowned as she spoke. “Depends on if you're going to get better, Church. Your injury could give you a limp, and the military doesn't want that. Might get discharged.” 

Leonard grinned a bit, licking his lips. “I bet I will. Hargrove hates me, I know it. But that's good.. I can go to school again.” He looked over at Allison, those dilated green eyes of his so fuckin' happy. “I'm not gonna die on a battlefield.” 

“Nah.” Twisting her lips into a smirk, she raised an eyebrow. “Bet you're gonna die a lonely old man though.” 

“Shut up, bitch.” He rolled his eyes, and Holly laughed. 

“Grey hair, probably some stupid fuckin' facial hair. Alone and sad.” She teased, sticking her tongue out and he groaned. 

“'S long as I get to die remembering how your cunt feels around my cock I'll die happy.” He teased back, letting go of her hand. If he wasn't hurt she would probably have socked him in his stomach for that comment. “D'you two mind if I get some sleep?” There was a yawn, and he made the cutest fuckin' noise as his mouth gaped wide. “Pain meds kickin' in again.”   
Nodding, Holly moved to touch Allison's shoulder. “Of course, we should get going anyways. Got a big day tomorrow.” She gave the blonde woman a look, and with a sigh, she nodded, looking back down at Leonard. 

“Yeah, I'll try to come visit tomorrow after I get off. Don't die in your sleep, Leo. I'll see you tomorrow.” 

“G'night Ally.” With one final tug, Allison was pulled out of the room by Holly, and started walking down the hall with her. People passed them, doctors and nurses, family members murmuring softly to each other, worried. As they did, she felt hopeful. Walking down the hall to the room, she had been filled with dread. Now she felt.. Surprisingly optimistic. Leonard was alive. Leonard was getting out of the army. He was going to be doing something he wanted. Holly was on the base, Holly could help her try and ward off Hargeove's advances. 

For once in her life, Allison felt as though something was going her way. 

 

“Your leg is going to be a bitch to lay next to.” Two weeks had passed since Leonard had been shot. November had moved into December, and after going through some physical therapy, he had been released into the care of Allison. His parents had come briefly to visit, although Allison had avoided them, but they were unable to move to Austin, and Leonard didn't want to move. Stubbornly, he had decided to take on a full ride scholarship to a school in the city, against his parents wishes. She knew they blamed her, and they had every reason to. 

So, with no one really to turn to in terms of care, Leonard had landed at Allison's front door. The day after the doctors had told Leonard he wouldn't walk properly for a long time, Malcolm had discharged him, citing the need for useful soldiers only. He had lost his job, and his apartment, meaning he had nowhere else to stay but Allison's tiny as fuck apartment. 

Which she didn't really mind, only there was one bed and he needed comfort. Meaning that until he started dorming at the university, they were crammed together. Now both of them were getting ready for bed, Leonard had taken his pain meds and Allison was switching her clothes from cargo pants and a tank to a cami and sweats. He was already laying down, pressed up against the wall and looking up at her.

She knew what he was looking at. Her body was covered in various scars. Burn marks, thin white slices where knives had been embedded into her skin. Marks from needles. His mouth opened, almost as if he were about to ask, but clearly thought better of it as she pulled on the tight black cami and joined him in bed.

Surely enough, the leg was a bitch to lay next to. It would have been worse had he had a cast, but knowing that she couldn't drape herself over him like she wanted to was bad enough. Chuckling, Leonard shifted a bit, holding her close. “It's almost winter now, you'll need my warmth.” He said, nuzzling her face and she groaned. 

“God, I can tell the pain meds are kicking in, you're getting all sappy and shit.” She said, huffing as her head went to lay on his chest, chin jutting into his skin. He didn't seem to mind though, just ran a hand through her ponytail. 

“You love it.” He teased, tugging just a bit. The desire to moan seductively to fuck with him rose up within her, but she held back, choosing instead to grumble into his skin.   
“Fuck off.” 

Laughing, he relaxed besides her. His breathing was calm, gentle, and she could feel his heart beating. It brought a strange sense of comfort to her, one she rarely knew, but desired so much. They were silent for a while, just simply breathing. After a moment, Allison closed her eyes, trying to go to sleep. She had a long day ahead of her, Holly had snatched her away from vehicle maintenance and made her her apprentice, teaching her how to be her replacement. Every day was spent learning how to train recruits, to break them and teach them to be a soldier. It was a sadistic, enjoyable practice that she loved. 

As she thought about what the next day would hold for her, minutes passed by. She was pressed close to Leonard, and was finding it hard to sleep. Normally she didn't mind the closeness, but this was so unusual for her. The few times they had slept together in a bed they had had sex before, and she was too worn out to care about the fact that they were being so romantic. But now she wasn't worn out, and had plenty of time to think about it. 

Leonard's breathing didn't turn into his normal snores, so she knew he was awake too. With a sigh, her head tilted and she looked up. His eyes were open, pupils slightly dilated, which meant that loopy,sleepy, high on pain medications Leonard was around. 

“Can't sleep?” She murmured, and he glanced down at her. 

“Waiting for the meds to take affect.” His voice had a slight edge of pain, and she sighed, head nuzzled into his side. “My leg is hurting.” 

Glancing down, she realized she was pressed into the injury and moved away, “I'm sorry, Leo I didn't mean--” 

“Shut up.” His hand was on the small of her back, pulling her close again. “I like it when you're close like this. Like... Like feeling you with me. Reminds me that you're here, that I actually have you and you're not gonna run away or leave me or...” He was blabbering, and something in his face said he realized that and he shut up. 

“You're scared I'll run away from you?” She asked gently, moving up to touch his hair. He nodded, eyes flashing to her face. 

“You're the only girl in my life who's ever fuckin' stayed around. I never really had anyone, in high school I was always so focused on my education girls just kinda.. Passed me by.”   
“Yeah.” Allison murmured. “I could tell 'cause it was so fuckin' obvious you were a virgin.” 

He closed his eyes. “I'm glad I won't be able to remember any of this in the morning, so I won't remember how fuckin' embarassed I am right now.” 

“Yeah.” She laughed. “But I will.” 

He didn't say anything for a while, and her head went back on his chest, watching him with mild curiosity. The last time she had had a discussion like this, it had been with Natalie. Only Natalie had been coherent and not high as a kite. 

“Tell me what you're thinking, Leonerd.” She hummed, wanting to take advantage of Loopy Leo while he was still around. 

“A lot of things.” His hand slipped under her shirt, tracing along the raised scars. “Mainly about you.” 

“Gross. What about me?”

He chuckled, no, giggled, at that, his good leg raising up a bit. There was a soft yawn, and he turned his head to look down at her. “I remember the first thing I ever thought when I saw you. I thought, 'I could spend my whole life learning about this girl, and never truly know her. I'll always spend my life chasing after her.'.”

Allison didn't respond, didn't know how to. Emotional things just weren't her thing, she had no idea how to react or how to describe how she felt. So she just listened, resisting the temptation to make fun of him, knowing how hard it would be for him to say these things when he wasn't high. 

“And then you and I started whatever this is between us. And I.. I learned more about you, but it's never enough. You're so secretive, so hidden and I always wanna know more and.. I started fallin' for ya. You're more than just some badass, ruthless, gorgeous bitch you're.. You've got some compassion in you, and you like me enough to put up with me and I guess what I'm trying to say is I think I love you, Allison.” 

At that, she pulled away a bit, moving to lay next to him, staring up at the ceiling. All of her self-doubts and hatred came rushing back to her, all the fear of him leaving her. “You're just gonna end up leaving me once you really get to know me, Leonard. It's stupid and pointless for me to care about you, if you'll just end up ditching me once you know what I'm really like.” 

“Well.” He breathed out, thinking about it. “I won't remember any of this, so why don't you tell me why I'll leave you and I'll tell you if it's true or not.” 

“Because you're too good for me!” She practically shouted, shooting up, her fear turning to anger. “You're so smart, and talented, and you have a future. I'm just a fuckin' stupid bitch who has no future, no real skills except fighting and drinking. I don't have a family, I was homeless for most of my teenage years, and I was addicted to drugs for a large part of that time. My first girlfriend was stabbed in a street, and I used to sleep under bridges. Guys like you only like girls like me 'cause we're dangerous and edgy and cool and your parents will hate that you bring us home instead of fuckin' Susan from your psychology class. I saw the way your mother looked at me when I was in your hospital room, she'll never approve of me so why try? You're just fooling yourself. Eventually you'll realize that the sex and rebellion behind being with me isn't worth the emotional baggage and you'll dump me in the streets.” 

He stared at her, eyes wide, but her anger, her fears and frustrations poured out of her. The hope of him not remembering this fueled her sudden self-confidence. “You want to know why I don't want to be in a relationship with you? 'Cause I know in the end it'll never work out. Either you'll leave me for someone better than me, or I'll fuckin' die on a battlefield. That's why, Leonard.” Her anger dissipated as it all came out, and she watched as his eyes became filled with sadness. 

“I don't care about any of that.” He whispered when she was finished. “You think I'll leave you because of that? I could care less, I just.. I just want to be with you. You make me happy, you make me smile and laugh and you don't put up with my shit. When I'm with you, you bring me down to earth. You're the first person in my life who didn't treat me differently 'cause I'm smart, you don't care about that you just.. You like me for me. I stayed here for you, and I'm not going to leave you just 'cause you used to be homeless, or 'cause you used to drugs. I'm... I don't care about that.” His voice was soft, and he reached out to touch her hand. “I just wanna be with you. Even if you do die on a battlefield.”

She didn't speak, it went back to her not knowing what to say. Looking down, she gripped one of the blankets in her hands, knuckles turning white. “My whole life. No one has ever cared for me like you or Holly.” The words came out slowly, her mind racing to try and think of how to describe how she felt. “I.. My parents never loved me, and Natalie.. Natalie died in the streets. It's.. I never thought anyone could really love me or care for me. I'm not normal, Leonard, I'm broken. I can't really... I don't really.. It's hard for me to explain how I feel, you know? And.. And I have other issues, and I just.. I'm.. I..” A hand slipped up to her head. “You shouldn't waste your time on me.” 

Slowly, she was pulled down into his arms as he yawned. “Let me decide how I waste my time, Allison. If I want to spend my whole life chasing after you, then that's my decision. You don't have to be with me if you don't want to, just know that I love you and I'm here for you. No matter what.” 

The lump in her throat came back, and she bit her lip, head buried into his chest. What could she say to that? She had no answer, just let his hand rub slow, comforting circles into her back. His breathing relaxed, and slowed down, and they just laid there. Comforting one another. 

“You said you were in a choir.” Leonard finally murmured sleepily, eyes closed. “Sing for me?” 

“What?” Allison asked, looking up at him, confused. 

“Sing for me. Wanna hear your voice.” 

She thought about it for a moment. Then finally,with a sigh, her head nuzzled back into his chest and gently, she sung. 

“We're running with the shadows of the night, so baby take my hand it'll be alright. Surrender all your dreams to me tonight, they'll come true in the end..” It was an old song, but one of comfort. One that she loved, and as her voice gently rang out in the room from stanza to stanza, she felt Leonard's body relax under her, and his gentle breaths turned into soft snores. Still, she continued to sing, until she was finished. 

“They'll come true in the end...”


End file.
